Feelings!

Anger Begins in Childhood

2010-04-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

Yes, absolutely, anger begins in childhood.

We learn very early in life, when we are small babes in the cradle, that if we cry and raise a big enough fuss we will get fed, our wants are going to be met. That lesson is hard to forget. At times we still want to cry out, to say "I am not invisible, I am a real person." We want to make a fuss so that our needs will be met. The anger we feel when our needs are not met leads to bitter disappointment.

Sometimes when things that matter so much to us, whether they be temporal needs or spiritual perceptions, are not provided in a timely manner we become discouraged. We are fearful that these disappointments will go on for a period of time, or that they will never be achievable. This fear comes from trying to trust in self or others instead of trusting in God. It comes from not waiting on God and his time schedule. The safety and security that we long for at times can only be supplied by God.

This fear, along with our desire to fulfill our own needs, will lead to rebellion. We get angry toward anyone who stands in our way or who does not go along with our personal agenda. We begin to look only for those who can help us fill this personal agenda we have made for ourselves. Before long we make demands that cannot be fulfilled.

Even though we despise it, we have a tendency to hang on to our anger because the anger hurts less than the fear we feel. Eruptions of anger serve to dull the pain that is deep within us. In a false sense of the word, it gives us a feeling of security that we are controlling our own situations.

My little squab!

2010-04-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

Hey folks – I have been watching from last few months, there is certain activities in my flower pot which was hanging in my balcony. You know what, a pigeon’s egg!!

Yes, today, it’s amazing feeling when I saw few baby pigeon in the hanging pot. I mean ’squabs’…you couldn’t believe it, they were just shouting and shouting to tell you something about their Mommy and Daddy and how they care for them, may be. They must have some alarm clocks built inside..

The mommy pigeon cares for them during the night. She sits on the nest – hey – that’s a small flower pot in the balcony of our house, open and clean area, wonderful place – always dry, protected from the wind and the crows, clean and very quiet. I really couldn’t understand what to do next. Probably, thinking of leaving them alone and let them fly.

They are not one, it’s more than three squab and always protected by their parents. Very nice!

Well, I think their mommy cares for them during the night and keeps them warm till the next day until 11.30, I guess. When she hears Daddy’s flapping of his wings she leaves the nest and Daddy starts his duty until the early evening at around 6 pm. I think Daddy is a bit greedy for food so he always stops on the food plate first before he sits down to take over his duties. But nevertheless he very much cares for them and protects them.

Sometimes he thinks that we are going too close to his beloved ones and so he starts hissing, blowing himself up like a bodybuilder – he makes himself really big – impressive – and really looks angry and is ready to do everything to defend his little ones. I think he is a bit a choleric – Mommy never makes such a fuss – I think she knows better that no-one is doing their kids any harm here.

They are growing rapidly. Their skin is darkening. I think very soon they will loose their pinky skin colour – but looked like a little piggy anyway – maybe it’s better now…

You know, Pigeons has excellent eyesight, they also can see ultraviolet light – part of the light spectrum that humans can’t see. Pigeons everywhere have been celebrating. Not only are the skies totally empty of planes, they’re blue as well. You must be amazed to know that both the sexes produce crop milk to feed their young ones…

Isn’t it so interesting!!!

My participation gift from Indusladies!

2010-04-19T02:23:00.000-07:00

Recently, I had participated in Indusladies International Woman's Day Contest on Dowry and my title was A very big and shameful evil system - Dowry!It was really a great experience participating and it was a healthy competition.

Below is the participation gift, I received from Indusladies.com for participating in the contest.

Pic: A cap

Thank you Indusladies!

A very big and shameful evil system - Dowry!

2010-02-24T02:05:00.000-08:00

Well, it's an International Woman's Day on 8th March we, women celebrates this day with a great zeal each year.

This year, I am one of the lucky women who got such a nice opportunity to participate in this blog contest based on woman issues and express my feelings towards one of the issues which is the most common problem and biggest evil in the Indian society i.e. domestic violence due to 'Dowry' and day by day it is becoming worst where not only girls are harassed but also her parents.

Yes, each day many of the woman faces this very shameful evil. Yes, Dowry is an evil, a very big and shameful evil system and all of us very well know about it. At some level, it is less and at some level it is very high. We even contribute to it. How? It's not one hand. Nothing happens one way..without any reason. Each and every action is responsible. Even modern, well-educated families start saving up money for their daughter's dowry as soon as she is born, so what can one expect from the uneducated masses, whose only form of education is tradition?

Each parents have a dream for their daughters, a very happy married life and so to fulfill those things, they save so many things from the very beginning and at the time of marriage they give more and more cash and gifts to their daughter so that she be happy and not dependable but after marriage when they hear that this is not enough and they want more and more then what?? If she is tortured and beaten up and harassed then? Not only materialists and cash has been taken but when you hear that their daughter is also left alone, badly beaten with so much pains then what would parents do?

Yes, above all the pains and diseases, one of the most shameful domestic violence is due to Dowry!!

Everyday there is a new case and new story based on this domestic violence in our country. Some are beaten, some are tortured, some suicide and some leave the in-laws house and divorced. I have seen many cases and also I know one of my friend's neighbor, her name was Nina (name changed) she committed suicide by hanging herself from a ceiling fan in her house because she was constantly harassed for dowry by her husband. And she could managed to do so and finally hanged herself. It is not just her story but there are many such cases which have been known for many years. I really feel bad about these systems 'Dowry' which is known as the gifts from girls home but actually it is a symptom of a deeper disease that relates to how our society values women. I know one of the women, who still reside near my sister's house. She has been married for 10 years now but still she has been harassed every forth day even though her brothers have fulfilled all their demands still her husband beats her sometimes and her in-laws torches her so much that she sometimes feels to die. But she had two kids and they love her so much that seeing so much love she doesn't want to divorce or leave her family and because of this one and only reason she is still living there and compromising everyday with them with an hope, one day, things would change.

There are lots of laws against dowry system in India but do you think it work? I don't think it works in every case because if one traced the districts where dowry demands are strongest, one would probably note a low female child sex ratio. And you can realize that for wherever a girl is seen as a burden because of dowry, you can also see that female children are being prevented from being born. Why? I have seen so many campaigns against female infanticide, a girl child murder you can say on TV and newspapers but still it doesn't work in many places. Not even people want to understand. There are few young couples who are planning for a baby girl but there is no drastic decline in the female child sex ratio in the more prosperous districts of the country. There are many questions but no answer.

With all these major issues, I would also like to say that of course, every problem has a remedy. There is a way out for dowry too but if it is taken seriously by each parents. What you need to do is provide your daughter with a solid education, and encourage her to pursue a career of her choice. It is the best dowry any parent can ever give their daughter. Education is very important and a biggest jewelery too for each girl. Instead of giving her dowry, give her fine knowledge i.e complete education and everyone is nice to her at her new home when she is educated, give her a great career, so that she get more respect because when she is career oriented woman everyone will respect her. But by change if they (in-laws) treat her badly, she can walk out, as she is not dependent on them. One of the reasons parents of the boy ask for dowry, is that they often expect that their son will be earning and supporting the wife, and it is only fair that she contribute somewhat towards the household by way of dowry. If your daughter is educated and has as good a career as her husband to be, you've got a strong step in your favor.

Think about it!!

The Great India Place Mall

2009-10-26T04:42:00.000-07:00

It was a long time, I had been to Noida. I guess, 6 months has already passed. After a so long time, my husband and I planned to go to the Great India Place Mall again. It is a nice place to hang out. So, as per our plan, we get ready and had our breakfast and then took out our car and make our way to the Great India Place Mall. It is not near to my house. I think, it probably takes more than 45 mins. to reach there. We started at 11:30 am and then gradually we reached there and parked our car in the parking area. It is so spacious. Whenever I go there, I love the way..I mean the express way, it is so smooth and feels so romantic. I love long drive...so refreshing!

Well, we went inside the Mall. The security guards checked my purse and belongings and also my whole body, they always check each and every person for security reason. As I entered, I was feeling lil' relax. As we reached here after a long journey i.e. an hour approx. Just on the way at the middle of the lane, I saw Baskin 31 Robin ice cream. We bought two cups of ice cream for 110 bucks and move towards the escalators for the first floor. And standing on the first floor peeping downwards all the activities there and enjoying ice cream. As we finished it we were just wondering around to each stores which are located there. There are many retail outlets of international brands of apparels, footwear, jewellery, books shop, restaurants, handlooms, etc. Also there is a big floor of Home Town and Big Bazaar which houses lots of home needs and care.

At Home town, you can see all the varieties of furniture which includes bed sets, dining sets, sofas, baby bed sets, mattresses, shoe racks, eZone electronics, TV Stands, Computer tables, dressing tables, cupboards, kitchen sets, bathroom sets, curtains, linen, towels, handlooms, cushions, utensils, chairs, coffee chair, coffee tables, book shelf, rather everything related to your home care and needs. You can find and buy anything here as per your budget. It is very spacious and all the major credit cards are accepted here.

At big bazaar, you can buy all the home needs, fashion apparels, food items at food bazaar inside, fruits and vegetables, groceries, jewellery, home care, furniture, foorwears, sports goods, gift items, utensils, dinner sets, Toiletries products, electronic products, perfumes, cosmetics, mattresses, toys, dolls, soft toys, books, baby care needs, kitchen wares, LCD TV, Monitors, computers, mobiles, etc. Here, there are variety of products at very discounted price and also low as compared to other departmental stores. Well, it is very big stores and houses so much of things inside of your daily care you can buy from.

Besides this there are many retail brands too which includes Lifestyle and Lifestyle Home, Reebok, Adidas, Titan, Liberty, Nike, Globus, Swatch watch, fast track, McDonald's, Baskin 31 Robin, Punjabi by Nature, Geleto ice cream, Puma, United Colors of Benetton, Pantaloon, Shoppers Stop, Bossini, Gravity, D&A Shoes, Lee Cooper, Tana Bana, Hallmark, BGs, Giovani, Pizza Hut, KFC, Guess, Marks & Spencer. Apart from these outlets there is also many jewellery shop like Hazoorilal, R C Jellewers, Cygnus, Taraash, Wardrobe from Dulhan Libas, Sita Bridal, Study by Janak and Renowned Fashion Designers, it's a one stop destination for those who look for perfection.

Also, there you can find many other entertainment zone apart from those brands which includes:

• 6-screen multiplex cinema
• Multiple theme park
• Indoor entertainment area

The Great India Place is a retail and entertainment complex as part of Entertainment City, an international standard amusement park. Also, there are other interesting Mall where you can hang out like The Centrestage Mall, Supertech Shopprix Mall. Sab Mall, Spice World Mall, etc.

Well, last time I went to buy a bed set for my house and this time I went there just to hang out in the weekend along with my husband. It was a nice trip!

There are ample lifts connecting all floors of the mall. The shopping outlets are located on all floors.The restaurants and The Food Court are on the 3rd floor. Also, the Adlabs multiplex have it’s entrance from the 3rd floor. In the Mall, designated accessible restrooms are available on most floors of the mall.

Well, we had enjoyed food there in KFC. They offer fast food. The food is great there but it was so much rush. If you who love fried chicken and delicious non vegetarian food. If you are looking to have a taste of finger licking chicken then KFC is the perfect place to visit. Be it Zinger burger, chicken delights, snacks, sandwiches, bowls, Desserts or a variety box meal, KFC has them all. The specialty lies in the rich fried chicken with perfect old recipe making it even more delicious. The whole menu at KFC stores and Outlets is based on batter fried chicken. There are combo meals that are good to sample a chicken meal including fried chicken, French fries and a drink. Add a side of coleslaw and the feeling is complete..Yummy!! KFC offers vegetarian food of its own class. Some of the latest additions to KFC menu are hot wings, crispy fried, spicy chicken wings. The service at the KFC stores and outlets are fast food with affordable price. I just love it!!

Well, my trip was great. I enjoyed a lot, had some shopping also and then by 7:30 pm we headed towards our house and reached safely. It was a nice trip to the Great India Place Mall. My weekends was full of excitement, feelings and happy emotions..

How to be a good friend?

2009-08-17T03:27:00.000-07:00

In today's world to get a true friend and to be a good friend is very difficult. The most difficult thing is how to be a good friend to get a good friend. Friendship is all give and take process, if you won't help your friend and won't understand, the same, you will get. But this true that it is difficult to win the affection, appreciation and confidence of others, unless and until you have the basic qualities and characteristics that are related with being a good friend.

1. To be a good friend the most important thing is that you must what you are. Be real. Don't ever try to put on an act before your friend. Be yourself. Let yourself be known and accepted for your own merits, rather than for being somebody that you are not.

2. Honesty is the best policy. Be honest to your friend and also don't be clingy and give each other enough space. A good, honest friendship lasts a lifetime.

3. When you promise, fulfill it. Keep your promises, do what you say you are going to do, and most importantly never lie.

4. Be loyal. If your friend tells you something in confidence, don't talk about it to anyone else. Be dependable and respectful to your friend. Allow them the assurance of your trust and you will have a friend for life. Be reliable so your friend can trust the consistency of your friendship.

5. Always respect your friend, Know the boundaries. Things you and your friend discuss should be treated with care.

6. Don’t wait for friends to call you. Make an effort to keep in touch with people. Everyone is busy, but if you want to maintain good friendships you should be proactive about communications.

7. Don’t be someone that’s only in for complaining about life. When your friend hits it big – celebrate with them. When they’re interviewing for a new job – pull for them. When they want to find love – be gracious and supportive when they find it. There is nothing better in the world than having people that support and care about you. Go out of your way to show your support for your friend.

8. Good friends don’t call up people only to request a favor. Always show your gratitude for a kindness with a simple hand written note. There will be many opportunities to give and take and this will enhance the bond between you.

9. A good friend knows the importance of humor and laughter in the relationship. Laugh at their jokes and share funny stories with each other. You can be sure that laughter will bond you with someone and bring joy to the friendship.

10. When your friend talks, listen carefully to what they say. Make eye contact and give them an opportunity to express themselves completely. Good communication is imperative to good friendships. Offer advice when it is appropriate and never impose your opinion on them.

11.Encouragement to a friend during difficult times is a great way to show support. Sometimes having someone to lean on can help a situation seem manageable.

12. Love and cherish your friend. Show small acts of kindness to express your love. Love them when they are crabby and be quick to forgive. Be open with your love and appreciation for your friendship and never take one day for granted.

Ways to Handle Stress!

2009-08-04T00:37:00.000-07:00

Here's some ways you can handle stress:

1. Get rid of what's causing the stress - if you can, (no, that doesn't mean your younger brother or sister or your parents).

2. Change your attitude toward what's causing the stress. (Easy to write, hard to do).

3. Face up to what's causing the stress until it isn’t stressful anymore.

4. Avoid hassles. Identify the things that stress you out and eliminate them or prepare yourself to cope with them. Take a day off, that's what weekends are for.

5. Pursue a new hobby or sport. Take time to do what you enjoy.

6. Don't deny or repress your emotions, this only compounds stress. Don't be afraid to cry, crying can relieve anxiety and let out bottled-up emotions which will relieve feelings of stress.

7. Work on creating a stress-free place in your home. Your room should be a safe stress-free place for you to go to. Decorate it so you find it calming, soothing and safe.

8. Talk to your Family and Friends. When you can talk to your parents in a loving and secure family, then that can help relieve a lot of the stress that you bring home from other places. BUT home is not heaven for a lot of teens and you can often run into many stressful situations there as you would anywhere else. You may have a close friend or a friend's parent(s) that you can talk to instead.

9. If you feel you simply cannot handle the stress in your life, consider outside help. You may be able to talk to a guidance counselor at school, or you may want to consult a qualified counselor or other practitioner who can help you handle your problems and learn effective stress reduction techniques.

It is often beneficial to talk with someone who can offer an objective response whether a trusted friend or a professional counselor.

My Prize from Sulekha - Sulekha Goodies

2009-07-22T06:29:00.000-07:00

I had participated in Sulekha not-just-women contest.

1.Importance of Healthy Living - Fitness and Nutrition!
2. Sizzling...summer fashion for women!

It was really a great experience participating and it was a healthy competition.

Below is the prize I received from Sulekha for winning the contest.

Pics: A Table Clock

Pics: Sulekha Goodies

Pics: A Pen

Thank you Sulekha!

Thoughts: We are what we think.

2009-07-15T06:26:00.000-07:00

Life is thought, and when we cease to think, we are not living. How we think, is the kind of life we live. Since we are able to control our thoughts, we can determine the course of our life and the way we feel during our time here.

It is very important to establish good thinking guidelines and follow them. Placing thoughts of peace and happiness in our minds will help to make our lives peaceful and happy. If we do not set our thoughts properly, we travel through life by way of places where we will wish we had not gone.

Our daily life includes thoughts associated with responsibilities concerning work, other people, and handling problems. If possible, try not to think of too many different things during your day, and don't move or think too quickly. Start your morning with a plan to come through to bedtime relaxed, contented, and ready for a restful night's sleep.

Reflect about things that can improve your feelings - learning, completing tasks and duties, pleasant and relaxing experiences, kind words. Think about your happiness, goals, life and its pleasures, your principles and your conduct. Think about enjoying the moment.

So what is important?

2009-07-15T06:23:00.000-07:00

A better life has been achieved when we are no longer trying to achieve a better life. It means that we are content, as we should be, with ourselves and what we have. To be anxious for more or to envy someone else's life or possessions is self-defeating. We are then in a constant state of frustration, always hoping and waiting for more happiness.

So what is important? Enough, not more.

"Think of what you have rather than of what you lack. Of the things you have, select the best and then reflect how eagerly you would have sought them if you did not have them." - Marcus Aurelius (121-180)

There is, here and now, much to appreciate. There is life itself with friends, family, and everything that is naturally before us. We just have to look around and take it in. Perhaps it is time to make a list of all the good things we have to grateful for.

Are there people in your life that you would miss dearly if they were not here? When you go for a walk don't you see, hear, and smell, many things to appreciate and feel nice about? Like the flowers, trees, birds, and the clouds in the sky. A caterpillar crossing the sidewalk or your neighbor waving. A cute pup or child enthusiastically enjoying that moment in life.

"Whether in favor or in humiliation, be not dismayed. Let your eyes leisurely look at the flowers blooming and falling in your courtyard. Whether you leave or retain your position, take no care. Let your mind wander with the clouds folding and unfolding beyond the horizon." - Hung Tzu-ch'eng (1593-1665)

It just makes good sense to be satisfied and at peace with yourself and others, and to enjoy life now.

Anxieties and Fears Are Normal

2009-07-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

Anxiety is defined as "apprehension without apparent cause." It usually occurs when there's no immediate threat to a person's safety or well being, but the threat feels real.

Anxiety makes someone want to escape the situation — fast. The heart beats quickly, the body might begin to perspire, and "butterflies" in the stomach soon follow. However, a little bit of anxiety can actually help people stay alert and focused.

Having fears or anxieties about certain things can also be helpful because it makes kids behave in a safe way. For example, a kid with a fear of fire would avoid playing with matches.

The nature of anxieties and fears change as kids grow and develop:

Babies experience stranger anxiety, clinging to parents when confronted by people they don't recognize.
Toddlers around 10 to 18 months old experience separation anxiety, becoming emotionally distressed when one or both parents leave.
Kids ages 4 through 6 have anxiety about things that aren't based in reality, such as fears of monsters and ghosts.
Kids ages 7 through 12 often have fears that reflect real circumstances that may happen to them, such as bodily injury and natural disaster.

As kids grow, one fear may disappear or replace another. For example, a child who couldn't sleep with the light off at age 5 may enjoy a ghost story at a slumber party years later. And some fears may extend only to one particular kind of stimulus. In other words, a child may want to pet a lion at the zoo but wouldn't dream of going near the neighbor's dog.

Just sitting here all alone !

2009-07-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

Just sitting here all alone
Rain drops fall from heaven
Wishing i was way back home
Rain drops fall from heaven

Now the only thing that is on my mind
Rain drops fall from heaven
Is the memories i have way back in time
Rain drops fall from heaven

The tears from my eyes and deep inside
Rain drops fall from heaven
Matches the drops that come from the sky
Rain drops fall from heaven

If you could even begin to wonder why
Rain drops fall from heaven
It is simply those tears from lies
Rain drops fall from heaven

A pretty day!!

2009-07-07T21:24:00.000-07:00

a pretty a day
(and every fades)
is here and away
(but born are maids
to flower an hour
in all,all)

o yes to flower
until so blithe
a doer a wooer
some limber and lithe
some very fine mower
a tall;tall

some jerry so very
(and nellie and fan)
some handsomest harry
(and sally and nan
they tremble and cower
so pale:pale)

for betty was born
to never say nay
but lucy could learn
and lily could pray
and fewer were shyer
than doll. doll

Yashomati mayyaa se bole Nandlaala: Lyrics

2009-07-02T02:28:00.000-07:00

Oh, I love this song so much that I can't stop myself putting it in my blog.

Yashomati mayyaa se bole Nandlaala
Yashomati mayyaa se bole Nandlaala
Raadha kyon gori main kyon kaala
Raadha kyon gori
( cough cough)

O...
Yashomati mayyaa se bole Nandlaala
Raadha kyon gori main kyon kaala
Raadha kyon gori main kyon kaala
boli muskaati mayyaa lalan ko bataaya
boli muskaati mayyaa lalan ko bataaya
kaari andhiyari aadhi raat mein tu aaya
laadlaa Kanhayya mera ho
laadlaa Kanhayya mera kaali kamli waala
isiliye kaala

Yashomati mayyaa se bole Nandlaala
Raadha kyon gori main kyon kaala
Raadha kyon gori main kyon kaala

boli muskaati mayya sun mere pyaare
boli muskaati mayya sun mere pyaare

gori-gori Raadhika ke nain kajraare
kaale nainon waali ne ho
kaale nainon waali ne aisaa jaadu daala
isiliye kaala
Yashomati mayyaa se bole Nandlaala
Raadha kyon gori main kyon kaala
Raadha kyon gori main kyon kaala

This song from “Satyam Shivam Sundaram” was just another song in the movie, but it soon became a cult bhajan, and is perhaps the most well known song from this movie that was released in 1978.

The lyrics of this song ( and other songs in this movie) was written by veteran lyricist Pt. Narendra Sharma, who is best known for being the creator of Vividh Bharati radio service. His superbly created lyrics were made into a very popular song by Laxmikant Pyarelal. First para is sung by Manna Dey, and then Lata takes over.Lata Mangeshkar sang this song wonderfully well.

Song- Yashomati mayya se bole nandlala (Satyam Shivam Sundram 1978) Singer-Lata,Manna Dey, Lyrics-Pt Narendra Sharma, MD-Laxmikant Pyarelal

My childhood unforgettable moment.

2009-06-25T23:57:00.000-07:00

In every human life, there is an unforgettable childhood experience. There could be many experiences or just one. These journeys can be good or bad and possibly end up beneficial or not. I have had a few bad ones. However, they occurred around times when I was trying to fit in and find my inner-self. In a sense, these experiences help to define my personality.

Well, it was a short story of my life when I was a kid probably, 6 years. My friends & I, use to hang out around the tree which was near the playing ground. One of my friends father had tied a rope there and made a swing like stuff for us. We swing there one by one. One of my friends, was very very naughty and lie a lot. He said to me, " It is my turn now". I said, " No, Its mine". He hit me and I fell down. I stand up and ask for my turn, again he hit me and I fell down. This time I was very angry and with the frowning eyes, I warned him, if he won't let me swing I will hit you with the stone. He said, " Whatever!!". I took a small stone in my hand and I throw onto him, without thinking it could hurt his eyes and harm him. He started crying and come down. And I started swinging.

The same day in the evening, his mother come to my house complaining my mother and said, " See, what your daughter has done to my son, near his eyes it is bleeding". She was full...her eyes were red, eyebrows raised onto me. Screaming and shouting on me...blur!!! I was speechless. Pretending to be innocent. My mother asked me about the incident and I explained her the whole story, how he hit me and my legs were bleeding and saw her the scratches on my hands, and finally, how I throw the stone on him. I didn't know this could happen. That lady was still shouting on me and my mother. My mother asked her to bring a stone and let her son hit on my eyes. If this could make her son feel better then do that. Then she think for a while and said to my mother, "Oh, I am sorry. I don't know why I spelled so bad words for you." My mother said, " They are children and a friends, today they fought and tomorrow they will play together again then why we are blaming and shouting".

I didn't forget these words my mother told her. That day I didn't understand what was the meaning of that words and why my mother asked her to bring the stone but when I grew up, I understood, what she meant to say. After that incident I never threw any stone on anybody. Today, when I remind those moment, I feel so bad for my foolish things I did. I was so silly and naughty girl. That incident changed me a lot from inside.

In one way or another, bad experiences can lead to great success.

Thrilled on grilled..

2009-06-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

It is a freaky summer..Why planning to go outside...this was my word. But then I thought to give a break. Why the hell I am here at home in the evening when I have got the option to go out and hang out with friends..Yes, then I decided to get ready and take a break!

But where??? Ammm..to dine out!! Yes...this was a good idea to enjoy summer days. I went to GK I..May be you have heard the name, for grilled dine-a-bite!!!

Yes, the place is small though, I was feeling comfortable and cosy. So are its portions and menu cards - petite chic. But don't get me wrong- in smaller lies a larger meaning, though. A wholesome approach to eating grilled food at regular intervals for a fitter you!! hehehehehe...

Look out for over 20 types of grilled 'bites' with 10 varieties of sauces to top 'em up. So without sweating the small stuff, I opted for chicken stuffed with a trio of cheese with honey - mustard sauce. It was enthralling - plain, non-greasy and light for a muggy summer night.

I was up for seconds in no time. Well, I enjoyed the food very much.

Feeling Deep!

2009-06-17T07:09:00.000-07:00

As I write this I am aware

of Feelings Deep of How Much I care
You grow inside me little heart beating strong

though I had my doubts

I now know it's not wrong
You weren't planned but now I know

how much you are wanted as each day you grow
I pray for your health I ask God each day

to let you be healthy in every way
You aren't an accident you're not a mistake

you're the best of surprises two people could make!

India- the colourful and vibrant land!

2009-06-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

Well, it is truly said that "Variety is the spice of Indian life." But why variety is the spice of Indian life? It is so because of the distinctive languages, cuisines, arts, crafts, customs and traditions of each region make India an unending journey of discovery full of pleasant surprises. The food we eat, clothing we wear and habits we adopt, of an Indian differ in accordance to the place of origin. A festival or a celebration is never constrained to a family or a home. The whole community or neighbourhood is involved in bringing liveliness to an occasion. Likewise, an Indian wedding is a celebration of union, not only of the bride and groom, but also of two families, maybe cultures or religion too! Similarly, in times of sorrow, neighbours and friends play an important part in easing out the grief.

You know that the national dress of India is the saree. A saree is six yards of unstitched cloth that is skilfully draped to impart grace and elegance. Also there are other traditional dresses worn around the country include the Salwar Kameez and Lehenga Choli. One more thing I would like to say that bright hues and intricate patterns are a common feature of Indian dresses. Modern Indian women on the metros wear western dresses like their male counterparts and the universal 'jeans and t-shirt' are popular amongst the college students. Also, girls like skirts, shorts, capris, etc. these days as a western dress.

If we talk about our Indian cuisine, it is also very popular all over the world. Today, Indian cuisine is so popular across the world that London is believed to have more Indian restaurants that Delhi. You won’t believe this but this is true. The secret of the Indian cuisine lies in the skilful use of spices. May be all doesn’t know this that while 80% of Indians are vegetarian, though fish is a major component of the diet in the coastal region. The southern part of India has a distinctive style of cooking with the predominant use of rice and coconut. And in the same way the food habit of Eastern and Western part of India is different to others.

You know, though Hockey is the national game of India but in cricket, crazy Indian forgets everything and enjoys cricket a lot. Well, lack of resources is hardly a setback to the game which is played in every street corner and cramped back a lley. While India's performance has not been quite as good as it should have been, it is expected that modern training methods and more competitive spirit will give a better medals tally at the next Olympic Games. We are Indian and a cool Indian!!

India has still a very old and traditional school of Music and Dance. Master performers train long and hard under a 'guru'. Performances are viewed by large and appreciative audience. Vibrant folk and tribal art forms also prevail in parts of India but are gradually dying away. Many government and non-government organisations are taking initiative to keep these traditional art forms alive.

Even today, when the western concept of medicine has reached its zenith, there are people looking for alternative methods of treatment for its multifarious qualities.

Modern Indian painters like MF Hussain, Ganesh Pyne and Anjolie Ela Menon are making waves globally. Works of Indian painters are believed to be a good investment in the art market today. Indian literature too is a treasure house of wisdom and knowledge. From the ancient religious text to modern day writers are a long unbroken line of authors who skilfully tell their tales and comment upon contemporary life in India. Modern Indian writers who have received acclaim are Vikram Seth, Arundhuti Roy, Jhumpa Lahiri and many others.

No commentary on culture and tradition in India could end without a mention of 'Bollywood' – the great Indian Film Industry. Established in 1896 today India produces largest number of films in the world. Well known for romance, violence, music and dance the popularity of these films across the world has been phenomenal.

Running through the myriads of kaleidoscopic impression of Indian culture and lifestyle is a constant desire to make a perfect and unique blend of the old with the new, traditional with the modern and eastern with the western.

Yes, the beauty of the Indian people lies in their spirit of tolerance, give-and-take and a composition of cultures that can be compared to a garden of flowers of various colours and shades of which, while maintaining their own entity, lend harmony and beauty to the garden - India!

A Call From Heaven

2009-06-05T00:37:00.001-07:00

Come to me, love me,
You were always 'my own'.
Renouncing all others,
You were just mine alone.
So come, I am calling
From God's Heaven above.
I can't hear you,
I can't see you.
But I am waiting, my love.

I just want one more day with you!

2009-06-05T00:30:00.000-07:00

I'm so sad and depressed
Is all I want to do is rest
I go to sleep at night
But my dreams I just can't fight

I think of you lying in that bed
And wonder if there is anything I could have said
I wish you were still here
But I know that you are still near

I love you more than you know
I just wish you didn't have to go
I just want one more day with you
And I know thats what you would have wanted too

I miss you more and more each day
There is so much more we had to say
I know I will see you again
But my life is just started to begin.

Mother's love!

2009-05-08T07:28:00.000-07:00

There is no love, like a mother's love,
no stronger bond on earth...
like the precious bond that comes from God,
to a mother, when she gives birth.

A mother's love is forever strong,
never changing for all time...
and when her children need her most,
a mother's love will shine.

God bless these special mothers,
God bless them every one...
for all the tears and heartache,
and for the special work they've done.

When her days on earth are over,
a mother's love lives on...
through many generations,
with God's blessings on each one.

Be thankful for our mothers,
for they love with a higher love...
from the power God has given,
and the strength from up above.

Cherish This Time

2009-05-05T00:37:00.000-07:00

So your baby is here!
What joy and what pleasure!
Now your life is expanding,
To make room for this treasure.

A darling newcomer
To have and to hold--
Her smiles are more precious
Than silver or gold.

She’ll demolish your schedule
Though she’s helpless and small;
She’ll make her needs known,
And she’ll rule over all.

See, a new parent’s work
Is just never quite done,
But you’ll never mind,
‘Cause it’s all so much fun.

When you hear her cute giggle
You’ll start "aahing" and "oohing,"
And she’ll soon reply back
By "ga ga" and "goo gooing."

Those big innocent eyes
See a world strange and new;
To make sense of it all
She’ll look only to you.

So cherish this time
Of miraculous things--
The excitement and wonder
That a new baby brings.

A Baby Changes Things

2009-05-05T00:35:00.000-07:00

A baby changes things;
They’ll never be the same;
Your life is filled with wonder,
Since your little miracle came.

There’s lots of things to do now,
But with the new tasks you face,
Your family gains more love,
And bonds time will never erase.

Congratulations on your new addition!
My friend, an angel in your hand..

It's a Baby Girl - Angel!

2009-05-05T00:13:00.000-07:00

My friend's first little child,

a precious baby girl

So much love to give you

overwhelmed with pride and joy

Such tiny little fingers

Ten tiny little toes

A perfect face and body

with a little button nose

Tender words and kisses

hugs and cuddles too

Patience and understanding

will all be wrapped round you

Fun times to share together

stories to be told

Nursery rhymes and dittys

as your little life unfolds

You are very special

to people near and far

and loving you is easy

because .... I'm your Maasi now.

*dedicated to: My Best friend's daughter.

Mother's Day contest!!

2009-04-24T07:25:00.000-07:00

First off, let me wish my mother as well as all the mothers and of course, would-be mothers, ' A very Happy Mothers Day'.

Today I got the opportunity to write something on 'Mother' as its Mothers Day and I feel extremely proud to participate and write something today. Well, it is really hard to write about Mom so easily in a few words but I am feeling so lucky and am so delighted to express my excitement for writing something for this special day. As, I got the chance to share my feelings worldwide. This is the day , very special, very important and very pious for all of us. Why?The reason is very simple. We are all here because of our mom.

But did anyone know this is the same feelings for our mother too. I will tell you why? Though, I believe in Art of Living and I remember the words of Rajneesh, he well-said that 'the moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.' He is absolutely right. Because a woman is never complete until she become a mother. When she becomes mother of her own child, she is a complete woman, woman full of love, patience, power, energy and knowledge, indeed.

Well, the word 'Mother', is so divine, that the heart beat so fast just in her name itself and sometimes stops at once when you think of her. Nevertheless, her love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible things in the world. One can do anything in this world if one's Mom is there, encourages and boosting up the spirit to do impossible things possible. Without her, its like bank without money, fishes without water, beauty without smile and a man without humanity.

Have you ever wondered why Mother's Day is celebrated? I had the same question in my mind but with times I understood now what would be the actual reason behind the celebration of Mothers Day. Each and everyday, she do lots of things for us, busy all the time, right from cooking, cleaning, washing, managing all things properly but hardly gets time for herself but did she ever said anything? No, never. So I think she must get at least one off from her daily scheduled life and let her take it easy and relax while the rest of the family does the work. And so I think, this one day is chosen to thank her and make her special for being so kind, so loving and so caring for us. Though celebrating motherhood is a historical tradition dating back almost as far as mothers themselves. Perhaps the country's greatest proponent of motherhood is Mothers Day, I think.

What I feel that she must also know how special she is in her child's life, so, on Mothers Day, I let my mom relax and let her see what a wonderful family she has. I may sometimes forget the words she said to me but I always remember the tune of her. I know, my mother loves me very much but she never expresses in words. But you know, the best conversations with my mothers always take place in silence, when we are alone, then only the heart speaks. She melt down so easily and her silence speaks up everything. Yes, silence speaks louder than words, I know. All I can say, my mom is a rhythm of my life in my heart of comfort, peace, happiness, and the whole being.

Many families celebrates Mother's Day in different ways and I too, celebrate this day with great enthuasism. Usually I want my mom sleep late till I ask her to wake up but as usual she wake up early before me and go into the kitchen to prepare her breakfast but I didn't let her do anything except relax. I prepare breakfast for my mom, her favourite " Aloo Parathe" with "Badam lassi". But last year, I celebrated differently. I thought to give her a surprise. I took her to the beauty parlour, get her well groomed and then went shopping in her favourite saree shop "Sanghi" and by the end of the day, a surprised dinner in her favourite restaurant "Kaveri". Whole day, we enjoyed so much. She was so happy.

My mother is very special, not because I am her daughter but because she has done so much for her kids. Being a mother of us, she never differentiated her daughter and a son. She equally loves her children whether it's a girl or a boy. To be very frank, she is the divine power by my side. I feel I can do anything in this world if she is there showering her love and blessings upon me. So, I think Mothers Day is the day to thank her for everything she has done for me and so Mothers Day is very special to me. Now I just want to say " I love you, Mom!", Thanks for being my mother and a guide who mean a world to me.

How To Deal With Anger?

2009-04-24T04:32:00.000-07:00

If you always seem to be angry then it's maybe time that you found out how to deal with anger. Not just for your own sake but also for the sake of the people around you.

Sure, there are lots of things to be angry about in our busy modern day life. But is it worth it? You're winding yourself up and alienating the people who care about you most. Hopefully the next statement isn't going to wind you up further, but you're maybe also being passed over for promotion because of your anger.

So it's time to do something about it!

Get angry at your anger!

1. Can you change the situation?

If you're getting angry about something over which you have no control, why are you letting it get under your skin? Some things were meant to bug us - heavy traffic on the freeway, the way the queue you've joined always moves the slowest, that kind of thing. But if you can't change the situation, don't get worked up about it. Because that will likely make it worse. Road rage will make you a worse driver and more likely to have an accident. Shouting and cursing at the cashier will put them into even slower mode and make their attitude worse.

2. Can you change how you react?

Now this one is actually under your control. You decide how you're going to react to something. OK, at the moment it's maybe hard-wired into your system that you fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. But that's your decision. Ultimately, your anger is your choice. Make a different choice next time - even if it's only a short 5 or 10 second "time out" before you let loose. Experiment. Catch yourself starting to get angry (you already know the triggers) and change your reaction. Even if it's only for a few seconds at first. Don't get angry about this - you've taken years to learn how to be the perfect angry person, don't expect to change to Mr or Mrs Nice overnight.

3. Small steps are often best

The last thing you want is to be sent on an anger management course against your will. You'll just be there growling with a group of other angry people. So start making the changes yourself. Small ones are good because your natural instincts won't fight them off. Turn the volume of your shouts down a notch. Cut your anger session short by a few seconds. Remember to breathe! This last tip is a good one - take a long deep breath, just like your mother told you to do when you were upset as a child. Fill your lungs with air - but not in preparation to shout at the object of your anger, just to feel better in yourself if only for a moment or two.

4. Congratulate and treat yourself when you control your anger

Chances are in the first stages no-one else will notice that you were less angry than normal. But you will. Congratulate yourself. Maybe even buy yourself a small treat. We work well with positive rewards, so give yourself a reward when you've curbed your anger.

FAQs

2009-04-24T00:55:00.000-07:00

What is Love and Logic?

Love and Logic is a philosophy of raising and teaching children which allows adults to be happier, empowered, and more skilled in the interactions with children. Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows children to live with the consequences of their choices. Love and Logic is a way of working with children that puts parents and teachers back in control, teaches children to be responsible, and prepares young people to live in the real world, with its many choices and consequences.

Who can benefit from Love and Logic?

Almost anyone will benefit from the Love and Logic approach. Our products especially help parents and teachers enjoy working with children through easy-to-use techniques. The Love and Logic approach helps children develop and grow in a healthy way, provides them with confidence and dignity, and teaches them how to become more responsible. The possibilities are limitless.

How is Love and Logic different from other approaches?

Love and Logic offers adults an alternative way to communicate with children. The Love and Logic techniques produce immediate results because the techniques are simple, practical, and easy to learn. The concepts behind Love and Logic place a heavy emphasis on respect and dignity for children and at the same time allows parents to grasp simple approaches instead of learning difficult counseling procedures.

When is a good time to start using Love and Logic?

It's never too late for parents to begin using the Love and Logic techniques regardless of whether the family has a teenager or a toddler. Of course the best time to start using Love and Logic is before the infant can walk. Our experience indicates that 8 - 9 months of age is a wonderful time to apply the techniques. Even if children don't understand spoken language, they do grasp the general ideas of what we say to them. No matter what the age of the child, the best time to start Love and Logic is now.

Get in Touch

2009-04-24T00:43:00.000-07:00

You are welcome to email me at :

aira {dot} kumar {at} gmail {dot} com

It's always a treat to hear from who's on the other side of the computer!

About

2009-04-24T00:20:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Feelings! So glad you stopped by. We hope to pop a squat and stay a while.

The world around us is full of a variety of feelings, and if we stop and take time to look, we will experience them. A beautiful sunrise brings a sense of awe, while a tranquil pond brings peace, and a rushing river brings energy. Historical architecture brings us closer to those who created it, and helps us understand their hopes and dreams. The possibilities are endless.

Living a life of Joy

2009-03-31T02:32:00.001-07:00

When you live on purpose, your relationship with time changes dramatically. You’ll no longer be looking for happiness somewhere in the future. You’ll stop saying to yourself, “Once X happens then I’ll be where I want to be. Then I’ll be happy.” Instead you will look to your present and say, “This is exactly where I want to be right now… and nowhere else. Nothing could be more perfect than this precise moment.”

The emotion that accompanies this state is joy. Joy results from total acceptance of your present moment. Whenever you project your consciousness away from the present moment and seek happiness in another time or place, you leave joy behind. When all parts of your being fully embrace where you are right now, you can’t help but feel joyful.

Most likely you haven’t reached this state yet. But it’s well within your capability to do so. You can reach it by following your internal compass. By assessing your current emotional state and comparing it to the state of joy, you can get a sense of your distance from this state. You can pinpoint where you are at any time along the levels of consciousness scale. Inner peace is right next to joy. Neutrality is a little further out. Far beyond that lies anger. And really far away is fear. The more powerless you feel, the further you are from joy, and the more you’re resisting what is.

If you are far away from joy, you cannot simply jump to this state immediately and stay there for long. You might be able to experience it temporarily, such as through meditation, but the circumstances of your life will soon pull you back to your previous level. But with conscious intent, you can eventually reach this state and make it your default. And the way you do this is to keep re-pointing your life in the direction of joy by making better decisions.

Whenever you’re faced with a decision, even a seemingly mundane one such as what to eat for your next meal, choose the option that brings you closest to joy. That will be the option that makes you feel the most powerful. It will not necessarily be what makes you feel joyful, especially if you are currently in a very negative state. If you’re currently depressed, you may have zero choices that will produce joy in this moment. But you will have some choice that makes you feel more powerful and alive than the others, and that is the choice that will turn your life in the direction of joy.

If you are feeling fearful and worried, perhaps the best action you can find is one which makes you feel greedy or angry. That is perfectly fine. Greed and anger are both higher states than fear; they are closer to joy. It is better to act out of anger than out of fear, since it will turn you in the direction of joy. And soon you’ll be able to progress beyond anger. Do not beat yourself up if a seemingly negative state like anger is the best you can muster at this time in your life. You cannot expect any more from yourself than your best. The anger will pass, and you’ll soon be able to climb the ladder towards more positive states. If you are in a deep negative state such as depression, you will have to pass through higher negative states first before you can reach the positive ones. So going from depression to anger is a very positive step in the right direction.

If you proceed in this manner with every decision you can, eventually you will reach the state of joy. It may take some time, but you will eventually reach it and make it your default state.

Joy is in fact your natural state of being. Babies enter this state very easily because they are fully in the present moment. They do not seek themselves in the past or future.

When you are joyful, your life flows with ease and lightness. Existence is no longer a struggle. Why? Because when you stop resisting the present moment, you stop creating problems for yourself. Resistance creates internal problems like stress, fear, and disease, but it also creates external problems like conflict, scarcity, and injustice. When you learn to choose the direction that creates the most joy in your life, your life will become a joyful experience in each and every moment. And of course it is easy to accept and embrace any present moment in which you feel joyful, so the state will naturally perpetuate itself. Joyful feelings create joyful actions which produce more joyful feelings.

The state of joy enables you to stop worrying about your survival, to stop fearing what may or may not happen, and to stop fighting your present moments. You’ll find it easier and easier to satisfy your needs. This will allow you to direct your consciousness outward and interact with the world without fear. People will seem much less threatening to you. Even strangers will smile at you more because they’ll pick up on your joyful state. Positive people will be drawn to you like a magnet, and you’ll soon find your life filled with empowering relationships. All the support you need will come to you. And this in turn will give you the energy and drive to embrace your true purpose.

Simply make decisions that bring you as close to joy as possible, even if it seems very distant at first, and soon you’ll find your life becoming more joyful. You have free will though, so in any moment you can decide to move towards joy or away from it.

The choice is yours.

Dealing with Peer Pressure

2009-03-31T02:26:00.000-07:00

Making decisions on your own is hard enough, but when other people get involved and try to pressure you one way or another it can be even harder. People who are your age, like your classmates, are called peers. When they try to influence how you act, to get you to do something, it's called peer pressure. It's something everyone has to deal with - even adults. Let's talk about how to handle it.

What is Peer Pressure?

Peers influence your life, even if you don't realize it, just by spending time with you. You learn from them, and they learn from you. It's only human nature to listen to and learn from other people in your age group.

Peers can have a positive influence on each other: Maybe another student in your science class taught you an easy way to remember the planets in the solar system, or someone on the soccer team taught you a cool trick with the ball. You might admire a friend who is always a good sport and try to be more like him or her. Maybe you got others excited about your new favorite book, and now everyone's reading it. These are examples of how peers positively influence each other every day.

Sometimes peers influence each other in negative ways: For example, a few kids in school might try to get you to cut class with them, your soccer friend might try to convince you to be mean to another player and never pass her the ball, or a kid in the neighborhood might want you to shoplift with him.

Why Do People Give in to Peer Pressure?

Some kids give in to peer pressure because they want to be liked, to fit in, or because they worry that other kids may make fun of them if they don't go along with the group. Others may go along because they are curious to try something new that others are doing. The idea that "everyone's doing it" may influence some kids to leave their better judgment, or their common sense, behind.

How to Walk Away From Peer Pressure

It is tough to be the only one who says "no" to peer pressure, but you can do it. Paying attention to your own feelings and beliefs about what is right and wrong can help you know the right thing to do. Inner strength and self-confidence can help you stand firm, walk away, and resist doing something when you know better.

It can really help to have at least one other peer, or friend, who is willing to say "no," too. This takes a lot of the power out of peer pressure and makes it much easier to resist. It's great to have friends with values similar to yours who will back you up when you don't want to do something.

You've probably had a parent or teacher advise you to "choose your friends wisely." Peer pressure is a big reason why they say this. If you choose friends who don't use drugs, cut class, smoke cigarettes, or lie to their parents, then you probably won't do these things either, even if other kids do. Try to help a friend who's having trouble resisting peer pressure. It can be powerful for one kid to join another by simply saying, "I'm with you - let's go."

Even if you're faced with peer pressure while you're alone, there are still things you can do. You can simply stay away from peers who pressure you to do stuff you know is wrong. You can tell them "no" and walk away. Better yet, find other friends and classmates to pal around with.

If you continue to face peer pressure and you're finding it difficult to handle, talk to someone you trust. Don't feel guilty if you've made a mistake or two. Talking to a parent, teacher, or school counselor can help you feel much better and prepare you for the next time you face peer pressure.

Powerful, Positive Peer Pressure

Peer pressure is not always a bad thing. For example, positive peer pressure can be used to pressure bullies into acting better toward other kids. If enough kids get together, peers can pressure each other into doing what's right!

Taking Charge of Anger

2009-03-30T00:20:00.000-07:00

Have you ever lost your temper? Did you yell and scream or want to hit someone? Maybe your little brother got into your room and played with your toys without permission. Or maybe your teacher gave you too much homework. Or maybe a friend borrowed your favorite video game and then broke it. That made you angry!

Everyone gets angry. Maybe you "lose your cool" or "hit the roof." Anger can even be a good thing. When kids are treated unfairly, anger can help them stand up for themselves. The hard part is learning what to do with these strong feelings.

What Is Anger?

You have lots of emotions. At different times, you may be happy, sad, or jealous. Anger is just another way we feel. It's perfectly OK to be angry at times — in fact, it's important to get angry sometimes.

But anger must be released in the right way. Otherwise you'll be like a pot of boiling water with the lid left on. If the steam doesn't escape, the water will finally boil over and blow its top! When that happens to you, it's no fun for anyone.

What Makes You Angry?

Many things may make kids angry. You may get angry when something doesn't go your way. Maybe you get mad at yourself when you don't understand your homework or when your team loses an important game. When you have a hard time reaching a goal you might become frustrated. That frustration can lead to anger.

Kids who tease you or call you names can make you angry. Or you might get angry with your parents if you think one of their rules is unfair. Worst of all is when you are blamed for something you didn't do. But it's also possible to get angry and not even know why.

How Can I Tell When I'm Angry?

There are different ways people feel anger. Usually your body will tell you when you are angry. Are you breathing faster? Is your face bright red? Are your muscles tense and your fists clenched tight? Do you want to break something or hit someone? Anger can make you yell or scream at those around you, even people you like or love.

Some people keep their anger buried deep inside. If you do this, you might get a headache or your stomach might start to hurt. You may just feel crummy about yourself or start to cry. It's not good to hide your anger, so you should find a way to let it out without hurting yourself or others.

How Can I Tell When Someone Else Is Angry?

When someone you know is angry, he or she may stomp away or stop talking to you, or become quiet and withdrawn. Some people scream and try to hit or harm anyone close by. If a person is this angry, you should get away as soon as possible.

Once you are away from the angry person, stop and think. Try to figure out what made that person so angry. Can you make the situation better? How does the other person feel? When the other person has cooled down, try to talk about the problem. Listen to what he or she has to say.

What Should I Do If I Get Angry?

Don't lose control if you get angry. Taking it out on others never solves anything. Instead, admit to yourself that you are angry and try to figure out why. What can you do to keep the situation from happening again? If your little sister gets a toy and you don't, it's not OK to break that toy. Maybe you can ask her to share it with you. Or if your science homework is too hard, don't rip up your notebook. Ask your teacher or a parent for help instead.

It helps to talk about your anger with an adult, such as a parent, teacher, or relative. Once you talk about anger, those bad feelings usually start to go away.

Anger Busters

Here are some other things you can do when you start to feel angry:

* talk to a friend you can trust
* count to 10
* get or give a hug
* do jumping jacks or another exercise
* draw a picture of your anger
* play a video game
* run around the outside of the house five times as fast as you can
* sing along with the stereo
* pull weeds in the garden
* think good thoughts (maybe about a fun vacation or your favorite sport)
* take a bike ride, go skateboarding, play basketball — do something active!

Never getting angry is impossible. Instead, remember that how you act when you're angry can make the situation better or worse. Don't let anger be the boss of you. Take charge of it!

Talking about your Feeling!!

2009-03-30T00:15:00.000-07:00

Focusing on Your Feelings

You can't tell your friends what's inside your backpack if you don't know what's in there yourself. Feelings are the same way. Before you can share them with anyone, you have to figure out what feelings you have.

Making a list of your feelings can help. You can do this in your head or by writing it out on a piece of paper or even by drawing pictures. Is something bothering you? Does it make you sad or angry? Do you feel this emotion only once in a while or do you feel it a lot of the time?

When you're trying to figure out your feelings, it might help to remember something that happened and think about how it made you feel. Then you can say, "I feel sad when my friend doesn't play with me" or "I feel angry when my brother always wins at baseball." This can help you figure out your own feelings. It also gives the person you're talking with more information about what's bothering you.

Why Talk About Your Feelings?

The way a person feels inside is important. It can be really hard not to tell anyone that you're feeling sad, worried, or upset. Then, it's just you and these bad feelings. If you keep feelings locked inside, it can even make you feel sick!

But if you talk with someone who cares for you, like your mom or dad, you will almost always start to feel better. Now you're not all alone with your problems or worries. It doesn't mean your problems and worries disappear magically, but at least someone else knows what's bothering you and can help you find solutions.

Your mom and dad want to know if you have problems because they love you and they want to know what's happening in your life. But what if a kid doesn't want to talk with mom or dad? Then find another trusted adult, like a relative or a counselor at school. Maybe this person can help you talk with your mom and dad about your problem or concern.

How to Talk About Your Feelings

Once you know who you can talk with, you'll want to pick a time and place to talk. Does it need to be private, or can you talk with your brother and sister in the room? If you think you'll have trouble saying what's on your mind, write it down on a piece of paper. If the person doesn't understand what you mean right away, try explaining it a different way or give an example of what's concerning you. Is there something you think could be done to make things better? If so, say it.

Some kids - just like some adults - are more private than others. That means some people will feel more shy about sharing their feelings. A kid doesn't have to share every feeling he or she has, but it is important to share feelings when a kid needs help. You don't have to solve every problem on your own. Sometimes you need help. And if you do, talking about your feelings can be the first step toward getting it.

Tips on Effective Listening

2009-03-29T23:54:00.000-07:00

"We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking."

Brief Theory of Communication

Expressing our wants, feelings, thoughts and opinions clearly and effectively is only half of the communication process needed for interpersonal effectiveness. The other half is listening and understanding what others communicate to us. When a person decides to communicate with another person, he/she does so to fulfill a need. The person wants something, feels discomfort, and/or has feelings or thoughts about something. In deciding to communicate, the person selects the method or code which he/she believes will effectively deliver the message to the other person. The code used to send the message can be either verbal or nonverbal. When the other person receives the coded message, they go through the process of decoding or interpreting it into understanding and meaning. Effective communication exists between two people when the receiver interprets and understands the sender’s message in the same way the sender intended it.

Sources of Difficulty by the Speaker

Voice volume too low to be heard.
Making the message too complex, either by including too many unnecessary details or too many issues.
Getting lost, forgetting your point or the purpose of the interaction.
Body language or nonverbal elements contradicting or interfering with the verbal message, such as smiling when anger or hurt is being expressed.
Paying too much attention to how the other person is taking the message, or how the person might react.
Using a very unique code or unconventional method for delivering the message.

Sources of Difficulty by the Listener

Being preoccupied and not listening.
Being so interested in what you have to say that you listen mainly to find an opening to get the floor.
Formulating and listening to your own rebuttal to what the speaker is saying.
Listening to your own personal beliefs about what is being said.
Evaluating and making judgments about the speaker or the message.
Not asking for clarification when you know that you do not understand.

The Three Basic Listening Modes

1. Competitive or Combative Listening happens when we are more interested in promoting our own point of view than in understanding or exploring someone else’s view. We either listen for openings to take the floor, or for flaws or weak points we can attack. As we pretend to pay attention we are impatiently waiting for an opening, or internally formulating our rebuttal and planning our devastating comeback that will destroy their argument and make us the victor.

2. In Passive or Attentive Listening we are genuinely interested in hearing and understanding the other person’s point of view. We are attentive and passively listen. We assume that we heard and understand correctly. but stay passive and do not verify it.

3. Active or Reflective Listening is the single most useful and important listening skill. In active listening we are also genuinely interested in understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling, wanting or what the message means, and we are active in checking out our understanding before we respond with our own new message. We restate or paraphrase our understanding of their message and reflect it back to the sender for verification. This verification or feedback process is what distinguishes active listening and makes it effective.

How to Express Difficult Feelings

2009-03-29T23:49:00.000-07:00

Feelings Versus Thoughts and Beliefs

Feelings and thoughts are different, but also are one and the same. They are like the head and tail of a coin. We react to events with both thoughts and feelings. Feelings are emotions, and sensations, and they are different from thoughts, beliefs, interpretations, and convictions. When difficult feelings are expressed, the sharp edges are dulled, and it is easier to release or let go of the bad feeling. If we only express our beliefs about the event and not the feelings, the bad feelings linger and are often harder to release. Whenever someone says, "I feel that..." the person is about to express a belief, not a feeling.

Guidelines For Expressing Feelings

Try to be specific rather than general about how you feel. Consistently using only one or two words to say how you are feeling, such as bad or upset, is too vague and general. What kind of bad or upset? (irritated, mad, anxious, afraid, sad, hurt, lonely, etc.).

Specify the degree of the feelings, and you will reduce the chances of being misunderstood. For example, some people may think when you say, "I am angry" means you are extremely angry when you actually mean a "little irritated".

When expressing anger or irritation, first describe the specific behavior you don’t like, then your feelings. This helps to prevent the other person from becoming immediately defensive or intimidated when they first hear "I am angry with you", and they could miss the message.

If you have mixed feelings, say so, and express each feeling and explain what each feeling is about. For example: "I have mixed feelings about what you just did. I am glad and thankful that you helped me, but I didn’t like the comment about being stupid. It was disrespectful and unnecessary and I found it irritating".

My angel

2009-03-24T22:31:00.000-07:00

My sweet beautiful angel.
Sent to me from above.
I am so grateful to have found you,
and I give you all my love.

You must have come from heaven,
because you have pretty little angel eyes.
When you gaze at me with them,
my heart begins to fly.

Your sweet angelic voice,
continuously rings in my ears.
With you by my side,
there is nothing I fear.

Whenever we are together,
You shine with a heavenly glow.
Your beautiful angel face,
raises me up from feeling low.

Yes, heaven is missing an angel,
because you are here with me.
You're my sweet, beautiful angel,
and I'll love you for eternity!

For the first time

2009-03-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

Into my world
of darkness and silence,
you brought light and music.

When you lit my candle,
I began to see and understand
the taste and texture of love.

For the first time.

I’ll love you forever

2009-03-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

Day by day
Night by night
Kiss by kiss
Touch by touch
Step by step
I fall in love
A love so incomprehensible
So vivid
So unique
So wild, that not even the reign of God could control
A passion so deep
A need so necessary
A want so strong
The universe would not handle
I love you today
I’ll love you tomorrow
I’ll love you forever

Friend

2008-02-29T20:12:00.000-08:00

Friend

A friend is someone we turn to
when our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure
for our friendship is a gift.
A friend is someone who fills our lives
with beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the whole world we live in
a better and happier place.

When I First Looked Into Your Eyes

2008-02-25T21:40:00.000-08:00

When first I looked into your eyes
each breath became a thousand sighs.
My heart drummed out a thunder beat
I glowed with joy from head to feet.
The hand of love had touched my soul,
as the bell of destiny began to toll.
The tide of love began to rise,
the world was filled with summer skies.
My sodden clouds of cold and grey
glowed with gold, then wisped away.
A brilliant rainbow arched across,
as waves of love began to toss.
The air was filled with lovebird cries,
when I first looked into your eyes.

When I first looked into your eyes,
all time and space were paralyzed
And in that instant, I was shown
a universe I had never known.
I dwell there still, in Paradise,
when I look into your eyes.

The Web

2008-02-25T21:37:00.000-08:00

Creatively
You worked your art
You spun a web
Around my heart
How beautifully
Your deeds have spread
Each intricately
Woven thread
With strands of care
You dried my tears
Your gentleness
Dispelled my fears
Your wisdom
Helped me understand
And patiently
You held my hand
To give me courage
To brave the storm
With kindness
You have kept me warm
Your passion
Lit a glowing fire
That filled my soul
With sweet desire
You're all
That I was dreaming of
For the web you spun
Was made of love.

And we danced..

2008-02-25T21:32:00.000-08:00

Soft gentle stare
Warm tender touch
You took my hand
And we danced

Arms around me
Light dragging moves
Cheek warm against mine
Breathing deep from the soul

Long have I searched
Finally I have found
When you took my hand
And we danced

Happy Birthday To You Sis..

2007-12-10T03:42:00.000-08:00

To my "Sis," from "Your Sis,"

On her birthday far away:

Maybe life will separate us,

Yet we'll always be best friends.

So may love, until life ends,

In joy or sorrow not forsake us,

Sunshine on the darkest day.

Though there's a frequency I miss,

Each breath of peace that fortune sends

Recalls a bond time can't betray.

I thought that I..

2007-10-13T02:15:00.000-07:00

I thought I saw your face today,
in the sparkle of the morning sun.
And then I heard the angel say,
"Their work on earth is done."

I thought I heard your voice today,
then laugh your hearty laugh.
And then I heard the angel say,
"There's peace dear one at last."

I thought I felt your touch today,
in the breeze that rustled by.
And then I heard the angel say,
"The spirit never dies."

I thought I saw my broken heart,
in the crescent of the moon.
And then I heard the angel say,
"The Lord is coming soon."

I thought that you had left me,
for the stars so far above.
And then I heard the angel say,
"They left you with their love."

I thought that I would miss you so,
and never find my way.
And then I heard the angel say,
"They're with you every day."

"The sun, the wind, the moon, the stars,
will forever be around,
reminding you of the love you shared,
and the peace they've finally found.

I know the secret..

2007-10-13T02:13:00.000-07:00

I met God in the morning
When my day was at its best,
And his presence came like sunrise
Like a glory in my breast.

All day long the Presence lingered,
All day long he stayed with me,
And we sailed in perfect calmness
O’er a very troubled sea.

Other ships were blown and battered,
Other ships were sore distressed,
But the winds that seemed to drive them
Brought to us a peace and rest.

Then I thought of other mornings,
With a keen remorse of mind,
When I too had loosed the moorings,
With the Presence left behind.

So I think I know the secret,
Learned from many a troubled way:
You must seek him in the morning
If you want him through the day!

Pleasure..

2007-10-13T02:11:00.000-07:00

True pleasure breathes not city air,
Nor in Art's temples dwells,
In palaces and towers where
The voice of Grandeur dwells.

No! Seek it where high Nature holds
Her court 'mid stately groves,
Where she her majesty unfolds,
And in fresh beauty moves;

Where thousand birds of sweetest song,
The wildly rushing storm
And hundred streams which glide along,
Her mighty concert form!

Go where the woods in beauty sleep
Bathed in pale Luna's light,
Or where among their branches sweep
The hollow sounds of night.

Go where the warbling nightingale
In gushes rich doth sing,
Till all the lonely, quiet vale
With melody doth ring.

Go, sit upon a mountain steep,
And view the prospect round;
The hills and vales, the valley's sweep,
The far horizon bound.

Then view the wide sky overhead,
The still, deep vault of blue,
The sun which golden light doth shed,
The clouds of pearly hue.

And as you gaze on this vast scene
Your thoughts will journey far,
Though hundred years should roll between
On Time's swift-passing car.

To ages when the earth was yound,
When patriarchs, grey and old,
The praises of their god oft sung,
And oft his mercies told.

You see them with their beards of snow,
Their robes of ample form,
Their lives whose peaceful, gentle flow,
Felt seldom passion's storm.

Go where the woods in beauty sleep
Bathed in pale Luna's light,
Or where among their branches sweep
The hollow sounds of night.

Then a calm, solemn pleasure steals
Into your inmost mind;
A quiet aura your spirit feels,
A softened stillness kind.

Yet hope again ...

2007-10-13T02:06:00.000-07:00

LIFE, believe, is not a dream
So dark as sages say;
Oft a little morning rain
Foretells a pleasant day.
Sometimes there are clouds of gloom,
But these are transient all;
If the shower will make the roses bloom,
O why lament its fall ?

Rapidly, merrily,
Life's sunny hours flit by,
Gratefully, cheerily,
Enjoy them as they fly !
What though Death at times steps in
and calls our Best away?
What though sorrow seems to win,
O'er hope, a heavy sway ?

Yet hope again elastic springs,
Unconquered, though she fell;
Still buoyant are her golden wings,
Still strong to bear us well.

Manfully, fearlessly,
The day of trial bear,
For gloriously, victoriously,
Can courage quell despair !

Life's sunny hours flit by,
Gratefully, cheerily,
Enjoy them as they fly !

Life in a Love..

2007-10-13T02:04:00.000-07:00

While I am I, and you are you,

So long as the world contains us both,

Me the loving and you the loth, Escape me? Never—Beloved!
While the one eludes, must the other pursue.
My life is a fault at last, I fear:
It seems too much like a fate, indeed!
Though I do my best I shall scarce succeed.
But what if I fail of my purpose here?

It is but to keep the nerves at strain,
To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall,
And baffled, get up to begin again,—
So the chase takes up one's life, that's all.
While, look but once from your farthest bound,
At me so deep in the dust and dark,
No sooner the old hope drops to ground
Than a new one, straight to the selfsame mark,
I shape me—Ever.. Removed.. Without You, My Love!

To My Husband..

2007-10-13T02:02:00.000-07:00

This is to the crown and blessing of my life,
The much loved husband of a happy wife;
To him whose constant passion found the art
To win a stubborn and ungrateful heart,
And to the world by tenders proof discovers
There are someone,

Who says that husbands can't be lovers
With such return of passion, as is due,
Kesh I love, Kesh my thoughts pursue;
Kesh, my hopes and joys are bounded all in you.
Even I, for Kesh' and my promise' sake,
What I in woman censure, undertake.
But this from love, not vanity proceeds;
You know who writes, and I who 'tis that reads.
Judge not my passion by my want of skill:
Many love well, though they express it ill;
And I your censure could with pleasure bear,
Would you but soon return, and speak it here.

My Heart...

2007-10-13T01:59:00.000-07:00

My heart is like a singing bird
Whose nest is in a watered shoot;
My heart is like an apple-tree
Whose boughs are bent with thick-set fruit;
My heart is like a rainbow shell
That paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all these,
Because my love is come to me.

My heart is like a flower pot

Where you can put lovely daisy that blooms

Raise me a daisy of silk and down;
Hang it with vair and purple dyes;
Carve it in doves and pomegranates,
And peacocks with a hundred eyes;
Work it in gold and silver grapes,
In leaves and silver fleurs-de-lis;
Because the birthday of my life
Is come, And my love is come to me.

For you Kesh..

2007-10-11T03:49:00.000-07:00

You changed my world with a blink of an eye
That is something that I can not deny
You put my soul from worst to best
That is why I treasure you my dearest

You just don't know what you have done for me
You even pushed me to the best that I can be
You really are an angel sent from above
To take care of me and shower with love

When I'm with you I will not cry even a single a tear
And your touch have chased away all of my fear
You have given me a life that I could live worthwhile
It is even better every time you smile

It so magical those things you've made
To bring back my faith that almost fade
Now my life is a dream come true
It all began when I was loved by you

Now I have found what I am looking for
It's you and your love and nothing more
Co'z you have given me this feeling of contentment
In my life something I've never felt

I wish I could talk 'til the end of day
But now I'm running out of things to say
So I'll end by the line you already know
"I LOVE YOU" more than what I could show.....

Marriages are made in Heaven..

2007-10-10T00:17:00.001-07:00

"Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: finding the right person and being the right person" quote. Do we really know the actual definition of a successful marriage? If not than lets look for it and see what conclusion we can draw. We often say that someone somewhere is made for you and the day you come across that person you feel that that he or she is the one you have been waiting for. But later we see that due to lack of understanding and mental compatibility they move apart. So how can we say that they were the perfect match since they didn't give any effort to understand each other? So it's important you know your partner. There are people who get physically attracted and fall for each other and eventually end up getting married. But later on when they see their wavelength not matching them easily get separated without a second thought. In today's generation we see these incidents more compare to earlier generation. And this is more due to the changing social scenario. With so many things to divert your attention you really don't know what to do.

Marriage is not just coming together of two individuals. There is much more to it. To sustain a marriage it is important that there is effort from both sides than only a marriage can carry on. A successful marriage is like a good recipe whose main ingredients are love, commitment, understanding, concern and togetherness. If you can include these aspects in your married life you can find happiness in your marriage. Andre Maurois once aptly said, "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." Which is so true? When we talk about mental compatibility between husband and wife we have seen that not only incase of arrange marriage this problem exist where both of them were unknown to each other before marriage but even after many years of courtship in love marriages this problem exist because when we meet before marriage we are at our best to impress the other person. And we start accepting each other the way we like to see each other. But gradually after marriage when we slip into our natural self that time we have to accept each other as we are. And in most of the cases the real self is not what we wanted to see and then begins the contradiction with the person whom we have loved and with whom I have to spend my life. So it's important that when you love a person love him or her the way he or she is and not the way you want him or her to be.

Then only you can be happy.

A happy married life calls for constant commitment and concern for each other. There are few small and minute aspects, which we tend to forget in our married life, as we get busy with the daily chores. So at times it is important to indulge in those minute details of a married life, which will constantly remind each other of the love and concern being present. We can conclude by the quote of Barnett Brickner, which says it, all that "Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate."

So what is love -- real, lasting love?

2007-10-09T23:54:00.000-07:00

Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness.

The word "goodness" may surprise you. After all, most love stories don't feature a couple enraptured with each other's ethics. ("I'm captivated by your values!" he told her passionately. "And I've never met a man with such morals!" she cooed.) But in her study of real-life successful marriages ("The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts"), Judith Wallerstein reports that "the value these couples placed on the partner's moral qualities was an unexpected finding."

To the Jewish mind, it isn't unexpected at all. What we value most in ourselves, we value most in others. God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.

LOVE IS A CHOICE

If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen -- you can make it happen. Love is active. You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person (and everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you'll love easily.

I was once at an intimate concert in which the performer, a deeply spiritual person, gazed warmly at his audience and said, "I want you to know, I love you all." I smiled tolerantly and thought, "Sure." Looking back, though, I realize my cynicism was misplaced. This man naturally saw the good in others, and our being there said enough about us that he could love us. Judaism actually idealizes this universal, unconditional love.

Obviously, there's a huge distance from here to the far more profound, personal love developed over the years, especially in marriage. But seeing goodness is the beginning.

Susan learned about this foundation of love after becoming engaged to David. When she called her parents to tell them the good news, they were elated. At the end of the conversation, her mother said, "Darling, I want you to know we love you, and we love David."

Susan was a bit dubious. "Mom," she said hesitantly, "I really appreciate your feelings, but, in all honesty, how can you say you love someone you've never met?"

"We're choosing to love him," her mother explained, "because love is a choice."

There's no better wisdom Susan's mother could have imparted to her before marriage. By focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone.

ACTIONS AFFECT FEELINGS

Now that you're feeling so warmly toward the entire human race, how can you deepen your love for someone? The way God created us, actions affect our feelings most. For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving tzedaka (charity) will get you there. Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving -- and that means giving.

While most people believe love leads to giving, the truth (as Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes in his famous discourse on loving kindness) is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love.

What is giving? When an enthusiastic handyman happily announces to his non- mechanically inclined wife, "Honey, wait till you see what I got you for your birthday -- a triple-decker toolbox!" that's not giving. Neither is a father's forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso.

True giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements. The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth. The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs). The third is respect, "the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality," and, consequently, wanting that person to "grow and unfold as he [or she] is." These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.

OPENING YOURSELF TO OTHERS

The effect of genuine, other-oriented giving is profound. It allows you into another person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness. At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself.

Many years ago, I met a woman whom I found very unpleasant. So I decided to try out the "giving leads to love" theory. One day I invited her for dinner. A few days later I offered to help her with a personal problem. On another occasion I read something she'd written and offered feedback and praise. Today we have a warm relationship. The more you give, the more you love. This is why your parents (who've given you more than you'll ever know) undoubtedly love you more than you love them, and you, in turn, will love your own children more than they'll love you.

Because deep, intimate love emanates from knowledge and giving, it comes not overnight but over time -- which nearly always means after marriage. The intensity many couples feel before marrying is usually great affection boosted by commonality, chemistry, and anticipation. These may be the seeds of love, but they have yet to sprout. On the wedding day, emotions run high, but true love should be at its lowest, because it will hopefully always be growing, as husband and wife gives more and more to each other.

A woman I know once explained why she's been happily married for 25 years. "A relationship has its ups and downs," she told me. "The downs can be really low -- and when you're in one, you have three choices: Leave, stay in a loveless marriage, or choose to love your spouse."

Dr. Jill Murray (author of "But I Love Him: Protecting Your Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships") writes that if someone mistreats you while professing to love you, remember: "Love is a behavior." A relationship thrives when partners are committed to behaving lovingly through continual, unconditional giving -- not only saying, "I love you," but showing it.

What is Love?

2007-10-09T23:48:00.000-07:00

If I gonna ask someone that what is Love then there will be lots more answers for this small question. Though this question is too small but the meaning is too big to understand and feel.

Many people believe love is a sensation that magically generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. No wonder so many people are single. An excerpt from "Head to Heart."

I believe one word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. So I can say Love is a remedy of all the pains... There are many great peoples too who have different perceptions about love…

"Attention is the most basic form of love; through it we bless and are blessed." - John Tarrant

"We love because it's the only true adventure." - Nikki Giovanni

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away." - Dorothy Parker

"Love is friendship set on fire." - unknown

"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing." - Goethe

"To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia." - H.L. Mencken

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more." - Erica Jong

"Sometimes love is stronger than a man's convictions." - Isaac Bashevis Singer

"Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it." - Robert Mitchum

"Love stretches your heart and makes you big inside." - Margaret Walker

"Love has no awareness of merit or demerit; it has no scale... Love loves; this is its nature." - Howard Thurman

"Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end." - Anonymous

"Love consists in this that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other." - Rainer Maria Rilke

"Where love is, no room is too small." - Talmud

"Loves make your soul crawl out from its hiding place." - Zora Neale Hurston

"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." - Mark Twain

"Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." - Nicholas Sparks

"To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven." - Karen Sunde

"A love song is just a caress set to music." - Sigmund Romberg

"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit." - Peter Ustinov

"Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever." - unknown

"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." - Erich Fromm

"In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man's worth." - Bill Wundram, Iowa Quad Cities Times

"Love doesn't make the world go round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile." - Elizabeth Browning

"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
a medley of extemporaneous;
and love is a thing that can never go wrong;
and I am Marie of Romania."
- Dorothy Parker

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen,

A few years ago, I spoke to a group of high-schooners about the Jewish idea of love.

"Someone defines love," I said.

No response.

"Doesn't anyone want to try?" I asked.

Still no response.

"Tell you what: I'll define it, and you raise your hands if you agree. Okay?"

Nods.

"Okay. Love is that feeling you get when you meet the right person."

Every hand went up. And I thought, Oy.

This is how many people approach a relationship. Consciously or unconsciously, they believe love is a sensation (based on physical and emotional attraction) that magically, spontaneously generates when Mr. or Ms. Right appears. And just as easily, it can spontaneously degenerate when the magic "just isn't there" anymore. You fall in love, and you can fall out of it.

The key word is passivity. Erich Fromm, in his famous treatise "The Art of Loving," noted the sad consequence of this misconception: "There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love." (That was back in 1956 -- chances are he'd be even more pessimistic today.)

Inside me..

2007-10-05T00:19:00.000-07:00

If you could see inside my soul
see inside my heart
you would know how I long for you
whenever we're apart

If you could see inside my head
if thoughts were things to see
you would know how I cherish you
how much you mean to me

In all the ways you comfort me
the way you hold me near
the way you know just what to do
to chase away my fear

The sparkle in your beautiful eyes
your smile, laugh, your touch
are just a few of many reasons
I love you oh so much

Knowing I can talk to you
about any and everything
and knowing together we will get
through whatever life may bring

I could search the whole world over
and this I know is true
I would never find another love
like the love I found with you

Though with each new day, each sunrise
we can't know what's in store
there is one thing I know for sure
each day I love you more

So if you could see inside my head
if thoughts were things to see
you would know I blessed I feel
to have you here with me

You remind me..

2007-10-05T00:16:00.000-07:00

You remind me of a flower,
Pretty, inside and outside.
A reason why people smile everyday,
A gift to all.

You remind me of chocolate,
Luscious and sweet.
Someone people can turn to in crisis,
Loved by all.

You remind me of a teddy,
Cute and huggable.
Someone people feel comfortable with,
Special to all.

You remind me of a balloon,
Happy and bouncy.
Someone people can have fun with,
Enjoyed by all.

You remind me of a lot of things,
But nothing can compare to the real person,
A friend I can look up to,
Cherished by me.

My friend..

2007-10-05T00:13:00.000-07:00

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you,
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own,
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me

I cannot build a mountain,
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there.

Every Second..

2007-10-05T00:10:00.000-07:00

If I had a thousand pages,
I could never name them all,
The reasons that I love you,
For the list would be too tall.

I love you for the melody,
I hear within your voice.
The way your blue eyes hold me,
A captive, but by choice.

I love you for your gentle hands,
That melt away my pain.
I love you for your loving heart,
That made mine beat again.

I love you for your loving smile,
With which my old heart soars.
These are some of the reasons,
Every second beat is yours.

My Love..

2007-10-04T01:54:00.000-07:00

My love is like an ocean
It goes down so deep
My love is like a rose
Whose beauty you want to keep.

My love is like a river
That will never end
My love is like a dove
With a beautiful message to send.

My love is like a song
That goes on and on forever
My love is like a prisoner
It's to you that I surrender

So these seven words..

2007-10-04T01:52:00.000-07:00

When I'm with you,
eternity is a step away,
my love continues to grow,
with each passing day.

This treasure of love,
I cherish within my soul,
how much I love you...
you'll never really know.

You bring a joy to my heart,
I've never felt before,
with each touch of your hand,
I love you more and more.

Whenever we say goodbye,
whenever we part,
know I hold you dearly,
deep inside my heart.

So these seven words,
I pray you hold true,
"Forever And Always,
I Will Love You."

Defined Love..

2007-10-04T01:49:00.000-07:00

What is love, but an emotion,
So strong and so pure,
That nurtured and shared with another
All tests it will endure?

What is love, but a force
To bring the mighty low,
With the strength to shame the mountains
And halt time’s ceaseless flow?

What is love, but a triumph,
A glorious goal attained,
The union of two souls, two hearts
A bond the angels have ordained?

What is love, but a champion,
To cast the tyrant from his throne,
And raise the flag of truth and peace,
And fear of death o’erthrow?

What is love, but a beacon,
To guide the wayward heart,
A blazing light upon the shoals
That dash cherished dreams apart?

And what is love, but forever,
Eternal and sincere,
A flame that through wax and wane
Will outlive life’s brief years?

So I’ll tell it on the mountaintops,
In all places high and low,
That love for you is my reason to be,
And will never break or bow.

For you are the one..I love!

2007-10-04T01:45:00.000-07:00

For you I would climb
The highest mountain peak
Swim the deepest ocean
Your love I do seek.

For you I would cross
The rivers most wide
Walk the hottest desert sand
To have you by my side.

For you are the one
Who makes me whole
You've captured my heart
And touched my soul.

For you are the one
That stepped out of my dreams
Gave me new hope
Showed me what love means.

For you alone
Are my reason to live
For the compassion you show
And the care that you give.

You came into my life
And made me complete
Each time I see you
My heart skips a beat.

For you define beauty
In both body and mind
Your soft, gentle face
More beauty I'll ne'er find.

For you are the one
God sent from above
The angel I needed
For whom I do love.

Love me always..

2007-10-04T01:40:00.000-07:00

Love me in the Springtime,
when all is green and new,
Love me in the Summer,
when the sky is oh so blue,
Love me in the Autumn,
when the leaves are turning brown,
Love me in the Winter,
when the snow is falling down.

Love me when I'm happy,
and even when I'm sad,
Love me when I'm good,
or when I'm oh so bad,
Love me when I'm pretty,
or if my face is plain,
Love me when I'm feeling good,
or when I'm feeling pain.

Love me always darlin',
in the rain or shining sun,
Love me always darlin',
after all is said and done,
Love me always darlin',
until all our life is through,
Love me always darlin',
for I'll be lovin' you!

A wish..

2007-10-04T01:38:00.000-07:00

I lie on the ground,
and stare into space,
the stars start to move,
into the shape of your face.

I see you there now,
looking down at me,
with that cute little smile,
that I like to see.

You say "close your eyes",
"tell me what you see",
I see only two people,
just you and me.

We're walking the shoreline,
with our feet getting wet,
the horizon turns pink,
as the sun starts to set.

We make love through the night,
on that white sandy shore,
then I hold you while thinking,
I could want nothing more.

Oh I wish I could be,
in that one special place,
as I lie on the ground,
and I stare into space...

It's that kind of love..Unlicensed Love!

2007-10-04T01:32:00.000-07:00

On a summer's day long, long ago
I fell in love and I'll never know
Just what it was that made me feel
So drawn to her, what the appeal
That set my pulses so to race
When e'er I gazed upon that face

Of one who was scarce but a child
Yet even then could drive me wild
I'll never know the how's and why's
I lost my heart to Hazel Eyes
But when I got that long sought kiss
I knew I'd found my Perfect Miss

My elfin girl from down the lane
And I'll never let her go again
For how could I describe our love?
Romantic love, all hearts and flowers
No way to count the days and hours
Spent in self-indulgent wishes
And thoughts of long awaited kisses

Of sweet embraces, tender sighs
And gazing into love filled eyes
Oh yes, it is that kind of love
Or, is it yet the love of passion
The ecstasy that knows no ration

That shuddering nerve-tingling feeling
The climax with your senses reeling
The wondrous joy when you discover
That sweet surrender to your lover
Oh yes, it's that kind of love too.

Or even yet a love that grows
One that cares and one that knows
That sees beyond the outer skin
Into the person deep within

That loves the spirit and the soul
The inner self that makes the whole
Built on trust and empathy
A love you know was meant to be
The love we share is all these things
A love that has no need of rings

A love you never need to doubt
A love I cannot live without
A love to last us all our days
A love I'll share with you always

The meaning of Love is..

2007-10-04T01:29:00.000-07:00

To love is to share life together
to build special plans just for two
to work side by side
and then smile with pride
as one by one, dreams all come true.

To love is to help and encourage
with smiles and sincere words of praise
to take time to share
to listen and care
in tender, affectionate ways.

To love is to have someone special
one who you can always depend
to be there through the years
sharing laughter and tears
as a partner, a lover, a friend.

To love is to make special memories
of moments you love to recall
of all the good things
that sharing life brings
love is the greatest of all.

I've learned the full meaning
of sharing and caring
and having my dreams all come true;
I've learned the full meaning
of being in love
by being and loving with you.

Will You Ever..

2007-10-04T01:26:00.000-07:00

I don't think you will
ever fully understand
how you've touched my life
and made me who I am.

I don't think you could ever know
just how truly special you are
that even on the darkest nights
you are my brightest star.

I don't think you will ever fully comprehend
how you've made my dreams come true
or how you've opened my heart
to love and the wonders it can do.

You've allowed me to experience
something very hard to find
unconditional love that exists
in my body, soul, and mind.

I don't think you could ever feel
all the love I have to give
and I'm sure you'll never realize
you've been my will to live.

You are an amazing person
and without you I don't know where I'd be.
Having you in my life
completes and fulfills every part of me.

A Love for all Time..

2007-10-04T01:16:00.000-07:00

Breathless kisses
Burning touches
Soft-spoken words of love
Urgently spoken words of passion.

A man and a woman
One complete love
Since time began
Predestined to be as one.

We've been together before
In other lifetimes
We've fought dragons
And have been torn from each others arms

Yet our love prevailed.
We've walked on this earth many times together
Perhaps for a moment
Perhaps for years

But our heart is one heart
And we were meant to be.
So when our time on earth
Once again comes to a close

Have no worries my dear
For we will find each other again
And again
And again.

For our love is ageless
Eternal
A love for all time.

Never I have fallen..

2007-10-04T01:12:00.000-07:00

Your lips speak soft sweetness
Your touch a cool caress
I am lost in your magic
My heart beats within your chest

I think of you each morning
And dream of you each night
I think of your arms being around me
And cannot express my delight

Never I have fallen
But I am quickly on my way
You hold a heart in your hands
That has never before been given away

***

If Every Time..

2007-10-03T04:06:00.001-07:00

I'll never forget the way you looked
When I saw you there that night;
The way you just seemed to glow
In the warm and gentle light.

If every time you crossed my mind,
a drop of rain should fall
We could swim forever,
in the greatest ocean of them all.

If every time I dreamed your face,
A flower bloomed anew,
I could walk eternally
in my garden next to you.

If every time I imagined your smile,
a star was placed in sight,
Darkness would never fall upon
our love's endless light.

And if every time I needed you,
A bird sang its song
Our symphony would keep on playing
long after we are gone.

Your Love..

2007-10-03T04:01:00.000-07:00

Your love is a lantern
That lights my way,
Uplifting my spirits,
When skies are gray.

Your love is a wave
That lifts me higher,
Into a sea
Of tender desire.

Your love is a flame,
That can never die,
For always and ever,
It will be just you and I.

Your love is a rose,
Moistened with dew,
Touching my soul,
With the beauty of you.

My One True Love..

2007-10-03T03:37:00.000-07:00

As I awaken, each and every day,
Thoughts of love turn to you.
An unbreakable bond between us two,
A special love ever so true...

The warm glow in your eyes,
The sweet smile on your face;
Makes me want to hold you,
Forever in love's tender embrace.

The gentleness of your touch,
The sweet passion of your kiss.
Just a couple of many pleasures,
I longingly so miss...

The sound of your voice,
Is like a song in my heart,
Always bringing me happiness,
As it has done from our start.

We've shared many joys,
And also felt some sorrows,
Yet our future is filled,
Of wonderful tomorrows.

So, until that bright day,
Far away such as it seems,
You shall always be my one true love...
The man of my dreams.

What I Love about You..

2007-10-03T03:34:00.000-07:00

I love the way you look at me,
Your eyes so bright and blue,
I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.

I love the way you make me laugh,
And the ways you show me you care,
I love the way you say, "I Love You"
And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine,
I love that you are with me,
And glad forever you are mine.

Key to my Heart..

2007-10-03T03:03:00.000-07:00

I had closed the door upon my heart
And wouldn't let anyone in,
I had trusted and loved only to be hurt
But, that would never happen again

I had locked the door and tossed the key
As hard, and as far as I could,
Love would never enter there again,
My heart was closed for good

Then you came into my life
And made me change my mind,
Just when I thought that tiny key
was impossible to find

That's when you held out your hand
And proved to me I was wrong,
Inside your palm was the key to my heart ...
You had it all along

I Wish..

2007-10-03T03:01:00.000-07:00

I wish that you could feel
My arms about you tight,
Holding you up close
All thru out the night.
To know that I am there
And never away far,
That I will remain
Where ever that you are.

That you could press back
Into my warm embrace,
And feel my soft touch
Warm against your face.
Or you could shift your hips
And press against me tight,
To feel my body's heat
And my lips kissing you light.

I wish that you could hear
My softly whispered song,
To lull you into sleep
For it's here that we belong.
That you could hear me say
All you need to hear,
As I tell you of my love
Whispered soft against your ear.

And you could feel my breath
Warm against your skin,
As I let my presence beg you
To let this true love in.
I wish that I could hold you
And whisper long into your night,
Never would you wonder then
As I held you to me tight...

The mystery of Life and Death

2007-10-03T02:31:00.000-07:00

We all live in the shadow of the fear of death, we believe that life and death are opposed to each other. This feeling causes us to miss life and we miss death as well. When we are born, death is born with us.

Every day changes into night, and every night changes into day. The present elapses into the past and the future dawns upon the present. This cannot happen without the element of death. This process of change is death. If you want to die peacefully, live totally, completely. Death is the crowning glory of life lived intensely and fully. But our life is wasted in searching for the meaning of life.

The meaning of life is in life itself. No philosophy, no scripture, no cause can give meaning to life. You have to seek your own meaning and nobody except you can come upon it. Osho said, "It is your life and it is only accessible to you. Only in living will the mystery be revealed to you. Once you know what life is you will know what death is.

Death is also a part of the same process. Ordinarily we think death comes at the end, that it is against life; we think death is the enemy, but death is not the enemy. If you think of death as the enemy it simply shows that you have not been able to know what life is. Death and life are two polarities of the same energy, of the same phenomenon - the tide and the ebb, the day and the night, the summer and the winter. They are not separate and not opposites, not contraries; they are complementary.

Death is not the end of life; in fact, it is a completion of one life, the finale. A man who has understood what his life is, allows death to happen; he welcomes it. He dies each moment and each moment he is resurrected. Each moment he dies and is born again."

Religion and Spirituality..

2007-10-03T02:29:00.000-07:00

Religion is general associated with certain fundamental rituals and practices while spirituality is more concerned with the mental and intellect aspects. Both however seek to help the aspirant in attaining Godhead.

God consciousness is experienced in a state of thought extinction. It is a state where the mind is totally extinguished and only awareness reigns supreme! Mind is related to thoughts like a river to water. It is the flow of water that constitutes the river. So too, is the flow of thoughts that makes the mind. A mind thus created veils the Divine Self within us.

Religious practices generate spiritual undercurrents, which help in transcending the mind by arresting the Divinity inherent in us. The flow in each case generates power and dynamism.

The nature of river is dependent upon the quality of water flowing in it. If the water is muddy, the river is muddy; if the water is fast, the river is fast and so on. Likewise, the quality of thoughts in the mind relates to the quality of the human... As the mind, so the man!

All our religious rituals and practices have a subtle cleaning and energizing effect on the mind to pave the way for attaining the ultimate state of Divinity.

And the state of Divinity is not merely a personal achievement; it must culminate in a Universal resurrection!

Know your real self.

2007-10-03T02:24:00.000-07:00

Know your real self

The man who has daily inured himself to habits of concentrated attention, energetic volition and self-denial in unnecessary things will stand like a tower when everything rocks around him and when his softer fellow-mortals are winnowed like chaff in the blast.
William James

Concentration on your Higher Self (the soul within) will encourage detachment and detachment will lead to power.

Everything in creation (as we understand it) is influenced by the law of magnetism. The law of magnetism teaches us that whatever we concentrate upon, we draw to ourselves. If we focus on goodness, our life can be a garden of happiness; if we concentrate on wealth, we will draw wealth to ourselves.

Success in life presupposes the power of concentration. Just as a magnet draws to itself iron filings and not rice grains, so too, the quality of our focused thoughts will create a dynamic but silent power within that will find us placed in situations akin to the nature of our thoughts. If we think ' good health ' and with faith and belief embed this deeply within our minds over a sustained period of time, we will gradually create for ourselves situations and an environment, which will be conducive to good health. Yet as we understand the workings of this power , it is essential that we not misuse power and that we be more involved in purifying our desires so that all that we seek only be bathed in the hue of wisdom and righteousness. Before we choose we always have an option, but once chosen, each action will bring forth a concomitant reaction.

Each of us is born with a certain degree of latent developed concentration, but the more we are aware of the existence of this power, and the more we seek to consciously use it, the more will we actually develop it. Men of success are men of concentration. Nothing of essence in life is achieved without concentration.

Be it in prayer, business, sport, art, or healing, concentration is the real key which helps one harness one's inner divine potential. Concentration aids you in drawing more of the life energy into your physical self and thereby raising your level of existence to higher layers of awareness. As you spiritualize your consciousness through Guru-channeled techniques of concentration, your energy pattern becomes more vibrant and pure, ushering all round tranquility and calmness into the temple of your mind.

With good concentration one can fulfill a task in virtually half the time and with double the accuracy of an average person. Paramahansa Yogananda said that we should do our interesting and enjoyable duties with all our heart and the uninteresting ones with our deepest attention. As we concentrate with will power on the task at hand, we learn to shut out unnecessary disturbing thoughts, doing nothing haphazardly. The mind thereby attains the ability to be one-pointed. The greatest power, remember always, is lodged in the fine, never in the coarse.

When one is able to lift a heavy object with muscles flexing, we appreciate the physical strength and the look and feel of the muscular part, but we must remind ourselves that the power to lift comes not from the muscles but from the life energy within, which in turn is drawn by the power of will and concentration. The greater the will and the more focused one's thoughts, the greater will be the inflow of the life force.

Each thought that we think forms a pattern in our brain cell grooves. These patterns then determine what our future patterns of existence will be. If we wish to change the nature of the existent (past) patterns or if we seek to create desired patterns (circumstances) it is vital to understand the workings of the science of concentration. Though any sincere practice in concentration may seem arduous and boring at the outset, after some time, internal interest is definitely developed.

The platitude before the flowering is only natural as new forms of mental thought seek to erase typical thought habits of the past. Evil and harmful habits are what we have gifted ourselves through concentrating repeatedly on the wrong thought patterns and now if we are to be rid of them, it is necessary to concentrate on the opposite. For example, if we have a habit of biting our nails, we must concentrate on seeing ourselves as living without any trace (even in imagination) of that habit. We must see only the goal, and the obstacles will fall off by themselves. With the coming of His Divine light, the darkness of eons can melt away.

8 ways to Handle an Argument..

2007-09-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

Let's face it, no one is perfect. No matter how hard you try, or how loving and respectful of a couple you are, you are bound to get into a disagreement once in a while. With a few tips though, it doesn't have to be something that can harm your relationship. The next time you feel an argument starting to form keep in mind these 8 ways to handle an argument!

1. Give your partner enough space to voice his or her concerns.
I'm sure you hate it when people interrupt you; give your partner the same respect -- even if you don't agree with what they are saying.

2. Make an extra effort to really understand what you partner is trying to say.
It is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking you know what they are saying, when in fact you may not have a clue. If your partner feels like you understand what they are saying, you'll find a way to end the argument far more quickly.

3. Don't say something you'll regret later.
Always consider your relationship like a glass. It is sturdy, tough, beautiful and clear when taken care of, but if it is mistreated or mishandled it can end up scratched, cracked or even broken. Take care in choosing the words you say when you are in the heat of the moment.

4. Don't bring in past woes.
The past is the past... let it stay there. If you dwell on past occurrences, you'll never find a solution for the future your partner will feel less loved and respected, and you will always feel negatively towards your partner. People make mistakes. Give your partner the chance to recover from them, and encourage and support them when they make the right choices.

5. Learn to compromise.
If you can learn to compromise, you'll find yourself in fewer disagreements. If you don't like something, then agree with your partner to find some middle ground. This also applies the other way. Be willing to come up with alternative solutions for things your partner doesn't like as well!

6. Realize that no matter what you say, you both may not agree on the issue at hand.
An argument is typically started because you want someone to agree with you about something. You think that the other person must not know all the facts, so you begin to explain it to them. The more your partner still disagrees with you, the more upset you usually get. But, if you realize that sometimes it is best to just let yourselves agree to disagree -- you'll show your partner that you not only respect their opinion, but respect their individuality as well. You never know, maybe later on they (or even you!) might change their mind.

7. Make a commitment to talk about the situation until it is handled.
It's far too easy to run off and avoid your partner, or give them the silent treatment. Instead, make a commitment right now to each other to respect each other enough to work it out -- even if it takes all night. Nothing is unsolvable when you are working together to truly find a peaceful resolution.

8. Make your relationship with your partner your first concern when you are in the middle of a disagreement.
This does not mean bend over backwards for them or compromise your integrity. Just keep in mind that the person you are arguing with is your best friend, lover and soul mate. If you both keep that at the forefront of your mind in an argument, it will keep what matters most away from cruel words or intent -- your heart!

Finally, I leave you with one thought on preventing arguments. Let your partner know exactly when something upsets you. I've found that many people tend to not speak up when something bothers them, thinking that it is trivial to mention it. Unfortunately, what happens is after repeated times of not speaking up, some small occurrence happens and it ends up being the straw that broke the camel's back. The other partner, more often than not, has no clue what they are upset about and therefore thinks they are over-reacting. If you find yourself in this situation, deal with each thing as it happens. Don't let things build up until you explode.

Assignment: Get a journal. Every time you see something you don't agree with or don't like, write down everything about the incident or situation. Include when, where, exactly how you feel, etcetera. Then write down at least three solutions to the problem. If you find a way for you to fix the situation on your own, do it. When you need your partner's help, find a time to sit and talk about it with them. By writing in your journal, you'll have released many of the emotional feelings surrounding the situation or incident. This will allow you to have a calm discussion with your partner.

What are your thoughts?
What did you think about this article? How did it affect you? Share your thoughts with me.

The Art of compromise..

2007-09-25T23:17:00.000-07:00

Exploring the benefits of a give and take relationship...

Many people mistake the act of compromise as selling-out or giving in. Compromise to them means giving up something. In actuality if you stay true to the real definition of compromise you will gain a relationship free of petty battles. You will learn how to co-exist in a loving and appreciative way.

So, what does compromise actually mean? According to Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary it means, "A settlement...by mutual consent reached by concession on both sides..." The key words here are mutual consent. It can't be a true compromise if one partner doesn't feel it is mutual. The act of compromise by definition indicates that both partners take an active role in finding a solution. This cannot be done if one or both partners are angry. When beginning to address an issue with your partner you should adhere to the following steps:

Note: It may be a good idea to let your partner know ahead of time that you have some ideas about a certain situation, and you'd like their insight and help with it. This can help set the tone for positive, non-accusatory discussions. Agree beforehand that if at any time either partner feels angry or upset about the issue you can come back and talk about it at a later date.

Talk about the situation openly and calmly with each other. Explain what that situation is to you, and how they feel about it. Then, have your partner do the same.
Agree to take turns talking out the compromise. This will allow each partner to fully discuss his or her ideas. Do not interrupt your partner during this time.

TALKING OUT THE COMPROMISE:
Depending on whom goes first, decide what possible outcomes or solutions would be acceptable to you. Take a look at it from your partner's viewpoints and decide if these solutions would be fair to them. What do you feel your partner wants from the situation? Revise your outcomes or solutions around what would still be acceptable to you, but also accounts for your partner's best interests.

Note: Solutions to your problems will vary. For example, if the issue is that you don't feel you are sharing the workload around the house, your compromise could be: "If you do the dishes, I'll cook dinner."
Agree on a "DOABLE" compromise. Don't take one step forward only to fall two steps behind. A compromise should be considered a promise. You don't want to have one partner following through with their promises, and the other lagging behind. That will only create a relationship filled with resentment.
Agree on a future time, right then and there, to talk about things that may come up. Ideally, you'll want to agree on a date a week in advance. It is crucial for any relationship to have "us" time to talk through issues or problems you may be having. You'll find a weekly check-in date will help dramatically decrease the amount of flair-ups in your relationship.
Compromise is a way of helping each other finds a solution that benefits both people. When you start looking at solutions to your problems this way you can't help but gain a happier relationship, which in turn creates a happier you!

A Better Relationship through Communication Skills

2007-09-25T23:10:00.000-07:00

We all want, above all, to be heard - but not merely to be heard. We want to be understood - heard for what we think we are saying, for what we know we meant. Communication is the principal building block of any relationship, but communication isn't just about expressing a thought. It's also about understanding what your partner is saying and conveying, back to them, that you understand. In this guide you will find the tools to do just that. You'll find expert advice on how to fight fair, learn great communication tips and find tools to express your thoughts in a myriad of fun and creative ways!
Ask a couple what's the one thing they'd like to improve in their relationship and more often than not their answer will be communication. It seems the thing we take most for granted, our speech, is the one thing that has the power to build or destroy a relationship. If you find communication is an area you'd like to improve in your relationship, take a few moments and read over the following tips and ideas for a better relationship through communication.

1. Communication is a power - don't abuse it.
As with any condition of power, the quickest way to ruin is by abusing it. Remember that your words have long lasting effects, even more so than you may realize. In the future, the reason why you were arguing or having difficulties may not be remembered, but the feelings and words you conveyed will be. If you feel yourself about to say something demeaning or unnecessary, stop yourself and don't say anything at all. Try other tactics like going out for a walk, writing in a journal, cleaning or doing something creative instead.

2. Communication is a power - use it!
If you have a tool that will make you the wealthiest person in the world, not using it would seem to be the most absurd thing possible. The same applies to communication. By taking the time to let the person in your life know how you feel and how much you love and cherish them, you'll be taking your relationship to a new level. Both sexes love to hear how wonderful they are, and how much they are appreciated. If you're not taking the time out to tell your partner these things, then you're wasting the best tool for your relationship that you have.

3. Unspoken communication.
Have you ever watched a movie where the most powerful and moving scene was the one where no one spoke at all? Let this work for you the next time you want to truly convey your love. Spend some time everyday just looking at each other, not speaking at all. Use your other senses to express what you're trying to communicate. You might just be surprised at how much you enjoy this time together.

4. Communicating without realizing it!
Sometimes I find the moments that ended up being the most important and special to me happened when I wasn't even aware of it at the time. Create these moments for yourselves by keeping engaged in activity. Don't just sit in front of the TV and watch show after show. Play board games, listen to music, give each other back rubs, talk about your dreams, play on the computer together, go for a walk, paint a room, wrestle... your options are endless. If you haven't guessed, the point is to do something that is fun for both of you! You'll find that the more time you spend together in activities, the less time or desire you'll have for communication problems.

What are your thoughts?
What did you think about this article? How did it affect you? Share your thoughts with me.

Do you know Why God made Daughter?

2007-09-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

I know the answer for this question. When God created Daughters He took very special care to find the precious treasures that would make them sweet and fair... He fashioned them from sugar and a little bit of spice... He gave them sunny laughter and everything that’s nice… God smiled when He made daughters, because He knew, He had created love and happiness, for every Mum and Dad.