Friday, April 24, 2009

How To Deal With Anger?

If you always seem to be angry then it's maybe time that you found out how to deal with anger. Not just for your own sake but also for the sake of the people around you.

Sure, there are lots of things to be angry about in our busy modern day life. But is it worth it? You're winding yourself up and alienating the people who care about you most. Hopefully the next statement isn't going to wind you up further, but you're maybe also being passed over for promotion because of your anger.

So it's time to do something about it!

Get angry at your anger!

1. Can you change the situation?

If you're getting angry about something over which you have no control, why are you letting it get under your skin? Some things were meant to bug us - heavy traffic on the freeway, the way the queue you've joined always moves the slowest, that kind of thing. But if you can't change the situation, don't get worked up about it. Because that will likely make it worse. Road rage will make you a worse driver and more likely to have an accident. Shouting and cursing at the cashier will put them into even slower mode and make their attitude worse.

2. Can you change how you react?

Now this one is actually under your control. You decide how you're going to react to something. OK, at the moment it's maybe hard-wired into your system that you fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. But that's your decision. Ultimately, your anger is your choice. Make a different choice next time - even if it's only a short 5 or 10 second "time out" before you let loose. Experiment. Catch yourself starting to get angry (you already know the triggers) and change your reaction. Even if it's only for a few seconds at first. Don't get angry about this - you've taken years to learn how to be the perfect angry person, don't expect to change to Mr or Mrs Nice overnight.

3. Small steps are often best

The last thing you want is to be sent on an anger management course against your will. You'll just be there growling with a group of other angry people. So start making the changes yourself. Small ones are good because your natural instincts won't fight them off. Turn the volume of your shouts down a notch. Cut your anger session short by a few seconds. Remember to breathe! This last tip is a good one - take a long deep breath, just like your mother told you to do when you were upset as a child. Fill your lungs with air - but not in preparation to shout at the object of your anger, just to feel better in yourself if only for a moment or two.

4. Congratulate and treat yourself when you control your anger

Chances are in the first stages no-one else will notice that you were less angry than normal. But you will. Congratulate yourself. Maybe even buy yourself a small treat. We work well with positive rewards, so give yourself a reward when you've curbed your anger.

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