Thursday, April 29, 2010

Anger Begins in Childhood

Yes, absolutely, anger begins in childhood.

We learn very early in life, when we are small babes in the cradle, that if we cry and raise a big enough fuss we will get fed, our wants are going to be met. That lesson is hard to forget. At times we still want to cry out, to say "I am not invisible, I am a real person." We want to make a fuss so that our needs will be met. The anger we feel when our needs are not met leads to bitter disappointment.

Sometimes when things that matter so much to us, whether they be temporal needs or spiritual perceptions, are not provided in a timely manner we become discouraged. We are fearful that these disappointments will go on for a period of time, or that they will never be achievable. This fear comes from trying to trust in self or others instead of trusting in God. It comes from not waiting on God and his time schedule. The safety and security that we long for at times can only be supplied by God.

This fear, along with our desire to fulfill our own needs, will lead to rebellion. We get angry toward anyone who stands in our way or who does not go along with our personal agenda. We begin to look only for those who can help us fill this personal agenda we have made for ourselves. Before long we make demands that cannot be fulfilled.

Even though we despise it, we have a tendency to hang on to our anger because the anger hurts less than the fear we feel. Eruptions of anger serve to dull the pain that is deep within us. In a false sense of the word, it gives us a feeling of security that we are controlling our own situations.

My little squab!

Hey folks – I have been watching from last few months, there is certain activities in my flower pot which was hanging in my balcony. You know what, a pigeon’s egg!!

Yes, today, it’s amazing feeling when I saw few baby pigeon in the hanging pot. I mean ’squabs’…you couldn’t believe it, they were just shouting and shouting to tell you something about their Mommy and Daddy and how they care for them, may be. They must have some alarm clocks built inside..

The mommy pigeon cares for them during the night. She sits on the nest – hey – that’s a small flower pot in the balcony of our house, open and clean area, wonderful place – always dry, protected from the wind and the crows, clean and very quiet. I really couldn’t understand what to do next. Probably, thinking of leaving them alone and let them fly.

They are not one, it’s more than three squab and always protected by their parents. Very nice!

Well, I think their mommy cares for them during the night and keeps them warm till the next day until 11.30, I guess. When she hears Daddy’s flapping of his wings she leaves the nest and Daddy starts his duty until the early evening at around 6 pm. I think Daddy is a bit greedy for food so he always stops on the food plate first before he sits down to take over his duties. But nevertheless he very much cares for them and protects them.

Sometimes he thinks that we are going too close to his beloved ones and so he starts hissing, blowing himself up like a bodybuilder – he makes himself really big – impressive – and really looks angry and is ready to do everything to defend his little ones. I think he is a bit a choleric – Mommy never makes such a fuss – I think she knows better that no-one is doing their kids any harm here.

You know, Pigeons has excellent eyesight, they also can see ultraviolet light – part of the light spectrum that humans can’t see. Pigeons everywhere have been celebrating. Not only are the skies totally empty of planes, they’re blue as well. You must be amazed to know that both the sexes produce crop milk to feed their young ones… :-)

Isn’t it so interesting!!!

Monday, April 19, 2010

My participation gift from Indusladies!

Recently, I had participated in Indusladies International Woman's Day Contest on Dowry and my title was A very big and shameful evil system - Dowry!It was really a great experience participating and it was a healthy competition.

Below is the participation gift, I received from for participating in the contest.

Pic: A cap

Thank you Indusladies!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

A very big and shameful evil system - Dowry!

Well, it's an International Woman's Day on 8th March we, women celebrates this day with a great zeal each year.

This year, I am one of the lucky women who got such a nice opportunity to participate in this blog contest based on woman issues and express my feelings towards one of the issues which is the most common problem and biggest evil in the Indian society i.e. domestic violence due to 'Dowry' and day by day it is becoming worst where not only girls are harassed but also her parents.

Yes, each day many of the woman faces this very shameful evil. Yes, Dowry is an evil, a very big and shameful evil system and all of us very well know about it. At some level, it is less and at some level it is very high. We even contribute to it. How? It's not one hand. Nothing happens one way..without any reason. Each and every action is responsible. Even modern, well-educated families start saving up money for their daughter's dowry as soon as she is born, so what can one expect from the uneducated masses, whose only form of education is tradition?

Each parents have a dream for their daughters, a very happy married life and so to fulfill those things, they save so many things from the very beginning and at the time of marriage they give more and more cash and gifts to their daughter so that she be happy and not dependable but after marriage when they hear that this is not enough and they want more and more then what?? If she is tortured and beaten up and harassed then? Not only materialists and cash has been taken but when you hear that their daughter is also left alone, badly beaten with so much pains then what would parents do?

Yes, above all the pains and diseases, one of the most shameful domestic violence is due to Dowry!!

Everyday there is a new case and new story based on this domestic violence in our country. Some are beaten, some are tortured, some suicide and some leave the in-laws house and divorced. I have seen many cases and also I know one of my friend's neighbor, her name was Nina (name changed) she committed suicide by hanging herself from a ceiling fan in her house because she was constantly harassed for dowry by her husband. And she could managed to do so and finally hanged herself. It is not just her story but there are many such cases which have been known for many years. I really feel bad about these systems 'Dowry' which is known as the gifts from girls home but actually it is a symptom of a deeper disease that relates to how our society values women. I know one of the women, who still reside near my sister's house. She has been married for 10 years now but still she has been harassed every forth day even though her brothers have fulfilled all their demands still her husband beats her sometimes and her in-laws torches her so much that she sometimes feels to die. But she had two kids and they love her so much that seeing so much love she doesn't want to divorce or leave her family and because of this one and only reason she is still living there and compromising everyday with them with an hope, one day, things would change.

There are lots of laws against dowry system in India but do you think it work? I don't think it works in every case because if one traced the districts where dowry demands are strongest, one would probably note a low female child sex ratio. And you can realize that for wherever a girl is seen as a burden because of dowry, you can also see that female children are being prevented from being born. Why? I have seen so many campaigns against female infanticide, a girl child murder you can say on TV and newspapers but still it doesn't work in many places. Not even people want to understand. There are few young couples who are planning for a baby girl but there is no drastic decline in the female child sex ratio in the more prosperous districts of the country. There are many questions but no answer.

With all these major issues, I would also like to say that of course, every problem has a remedy. There is a way out for dowry too but if it is taken seriously by each parents. What you need to do is provide your daughter with a solid education, and encourage her to pursue a career of her choice. It is the best dowry any parent can ever give their daughter. Education is very important and a biggest jewelery too for each girl. Instead of giving her dowry, give her fine knowledge i.e complete education and everyone is nice to her at her new home when she is educated, give her a great career, so that she get more respect because when she is career oriented woman everyone will respect her. But by change if they (in-laws) treat her badly, she can walk out, as she is not dependent on them. One of the reasons parents of the boy ask for dowry, is that they often expect that their son will be earning and supporting the wife, and it is only fair that she contribute somewhat towards the household by way of dowry. If your daughter is educated and has as good a career as her husband to be, you've got a strong step in your favor.

Think about it!!